It's Official...

It is official. I scheduled my surgery today for October 24^th, 2014. I go for pre-op testing and consent for treatment on the 6^th of October. I am currently thinking over whether or not I want to seek legal counsel regarding Holzer mis-reading my original MRI. Had I been diagnosed and treated last year, I wouldn't have the memory loss, balance problems, and fine motor skill decrease. I would have had this surgery a year ago and been back to normal. Instead, the MRI was read as normal with no abnormalities other than some sinusitis. According to the surgeon at OSU, it is clearly an abnormal MRI and I have more like significant sinus damage and scarring. I'd hate paying for something they screwed up. I mean if I get shoes only to get them home and they're wrong, I take them back! Or if the waitress brings the wrong food, you send it back. I don't know though, it would be a hassle in the middle of all this.

I was a little nervous about making the appointment because it makes it a little more real and concrete. It's not just an indefinite thing anymore. I actually have a date and goal in sight. I am actually pretty excited that my mom will be staying with me a little. I have found that I love having house guests. Although I will probably be mindless for a while, it's always nice to have mommy there! And I am sure that J will need a break from me!

Now just to get through the next two months! I am somewhat certain that it will go by very quickly and will be crazy full. I'm going to try to get a little done every day to prepare. I realize that I don't NEED to do anything to be “ready.” But there are some things I would like to do beforehand. For instance, I want to get the back bedrooms straightened up and somewhat habitable. I want to clean up the craft room some perhaps later in my recovery I can go in there and do some little things. I want to just have things ready so that others here don't have to worry about it. Maybe I should make a list. So then I can lose the list. Then I can spend time looking for the list before making a new list to lose again. Yep, that's how I roll.

I think the last couple weeks are catching up to me. I am exhausted today and I pray it's just from being busy last week. I am hoping that this doesn't become the new norm. I can't function being this tired everyday, all day. Here's to a good night's sleep and a spunky day tomorrow!!

On a side note, I am sad that I missed my class' 10 year reunion. It was last Saturday but I was just so exhausted I couldn't force myself to go to the store let alone anywhere else. From the looks of it, everyone had a great time though. It was nice to at least see pictures. It reminds me of something our principal, Mr. Edwards said at our high school graduation. He said, “look around at all your classmates. This is the LAST time you will all be in the same place at the same time together.” And that has rung true. Many of us are friends on Facebook and keep up that way, but it's not the same. It'll never be the same. I wish deep down that I had truly treasured those moments. I wish that I had lived the moments to the fullest and not wished a single day away. Instead, I was so focused on the “future,” never realizing that each passing day, the future was becoming the present and the present was ever fleeting. I don't think anyone can ever tell you in a way that you understand to enjoy every moment until they are gone and you can only look back and reminisce.

I am highly anticipating next weekend, for various reasons that I can't yet mention. We have plans with my parents to celebrate their 40^th wedding anniversary. I know it's not 25 or 50, but I think it's a HUGE ordeal. I am hoping that they enjoy everything that we have planned and it goes as I think/hope it will.

Well, I pray that all of you out there in cyber-ville sleep well and enjoy your Thursday. It's the “almost Friday” day, but it is one to cherish all on its own. Every moment is worth reveling in and everyday worth being thankful for. Good or bad, you were blessed to endure it and look at the beauties of the world.

Yet Another Day

Today was a different sort of day. I seem to have a new perspective on things with the idea of surgery lingering. The day went by quicker and I didn't get nearly as stressed by the “pop-ups” in my day (they are exactly what you'd imagine-little things that pop up requiring your attention that you hadn't initially planned. I did however, miss lunch so when I got home, a big bowl of leftover spaghetti really hit the spot! This whole not being able to eat breakfast (it makes me nauseous,) skipping lunch, and having a big ole dinner seems to have aided in losing almost 10 pounds in the past month. Anyways, we then went down to J's parent's to get some of his grandma and grandpa's things out of the old barn. J's cousin who had bought the property and built a house sold it and is moving out so we went down and got some of the grandparent's things. I think it was saddening for J and his mom. It's kind of like the last remaining remnants of what used to be. But we got several “treasures” that have probably no monetary value but great sentimental value. I plan to repurpose some of the items in the house (ladder for a blanket rack, window for picture frame, glass bulb hanging light for a solar porch light.)

I think all the “pickin'” was a little much for me though. I had several bursts of pain while there that have since resulted in a migraine. Lots of bending over and looking up caused them. The sensation is incredibly intense. It's like a million knives being thrown at the front of your brain. I am so excited to not have these issues anymore!

I did attempt to schedule the surgery this morning. I called was transferred from scheduling to the surgery scheduling person. She looked up my information but there were no orders yet. Because we were talking it over & thinking about it, the doctor was waiting to fill out the orders for the surgery. So I will have to wait until they get the orders and call back-or I will just call back later this week to check. I know they aren't Holzer but I feel like that's what a person has to do to get anything done. I did read the MRI report for my auditory canal (I can hear my pulsing heart beat in my ear.) It said that I do have an excess of CSF around the canal and some boney something or the other that may be dehesion or something like that, but should be discussed as relating to CM symptoms.

So I know I am closer than yesterday, but I'd really like to get this done with and feel human again! I am, however, dreading not being able to wash my hair for up to two weeks---GROSS!

Neurosurgery and Faith

So it's been quite some time since I have updated my good little blog here. My last personal health related post left you after my appointment with the OSU Neurologist. I completed the MRI of CSF flow and auditory canal and the neurosurgeon took my case. His name is Dr. Prevadello and he is the director at OSU Neurosurgery. I met with him this past Tuesday amid a visit from the Florida Kelleys. The visit with family was a great visit but far too short. The good doc at OSU discussed the results of my scans and symptoms/problems I am having. I will try to get it all in there.

First-my symptoms because I will mention them frequently. When I strain-lifting, moving quickly, reaching, laughing, coughing, etc. I get a severe blinding pain in the front of my head. It is a short burst that lasts 5-20 seconds and then is gone as quickly as it came. Over the past several years, I have become clumsy, unbalanced, tripped, fell, stumbled relentlessly. I have the strength in my hands of a 70 year old woman-I can't open jars, pill bottles, hold small items, etc. In the past few months I have lost much of my short term memory. It's is straining to remember anything prior to 24-46 hours. I can't remember what I did two days ago!

The Chiari Malformation diagnosis was confirmed. Chiari Malformation is the descent of cerebral tonsils lying below the imaginary line drawn from the base of the skull to the rear of the spinal column. CM I is diagnosed as lying 5mm below this line. Mine currently lie 9.8mm below. Many people have asymptomatic Chiari Malformation or only have mild headaches or migraines. They frequently only require observation. The surgeon attributed all of my symptoms to the malformation (sharp sudden pains in my head, decreased balance and coordination, loss of memory skills and fine motor skills, weakening of the hands/fingers, dizziness, etc.) The symptoms are attributed to the low-lying cerebellar tonsils. When I strain, they are pressed down over the opening of the spinal column blocking the flow of CSF (cerebral spinal fluid.) The CSF flow is already limited prior to straining, but after it causes almost a complete blockage. This essentially causes a buildup of CSF in my brain/spinal cord suffocating my brain. I am NOT one of the asymptomatic people.

The surgeon recommends surgery but gave me an outlook for either way. Without surgery, my symptoms are likely to progress at a rather speedy rate as all of the current symptoms have developed and increased in frequency over only two years. With the severity of the drop of the tonsils and the progression of symptoms, they will likely continue to progress and worsen. He said eventually I would develop Parkinson's-type symptoms: loss of fine motor skill/control, severely decreased balance/coordination, increase in sharp head pains, increased loss of memory, and loss of reflexes. Again, this is NOT the typical prognosis for people with CM I diagnosis. So if you are reading this and have or think you have, don't go 0-60 on me here. He said symptomatic CM I is rare.

The surgery that would be completed is called Chiari Decompression surgery. It entails general anesthesia and a breathing tube (as usual.) Then I would be placed face-down on the table and have 3 pins inserted into my skin around my skull to hold my head still. They would then shave an area approximately 1” wide and 4” long from the base of my skull to my neck. The surgeon would then make an incision approximately 3-4” long in the same area. They will move the muscle in the area (as opposed to cutting through it.) They will then remove a small section of skull at the bottom area. Then the surgery goes more into what the surgeon deems necessary. He will look at the top spinal vertebrae and the cerebellar sac. He may remove the back half of the vertebrae. He may also open the little sac that surrounds the cerebellum, place a patch to enlarge the sac, then close everything back up. The surgery will be from 3-4 hours long, 2-3 days in the hospital, and at least 3-4 weeks recovery. The risks involved mainly surround the general anesthesia and risk associated with it. Activity will be limited especially the first few weeks. I will be unable to do laundry, sweep, drive, clean, or any other activity that requires bending, turning, straining, or lifting. I will be unable to drive until I regain most of my neck rotation.

With the surgery, the likeliness that my symptoms will resolve is very good. He stated that the head pains are likely to reside completely. The other symptoms including coordination, memory, and motor skills will likely return to normal due to my age but may time some time to basically re-learn them. He said that my structure and anatomy are ideal for the procedure. He stated that it's not a “life-saving”surgery but more about the quality of life. CM I doesn't generally result in death with the exception of incredibly severe cases, which are literally a handful. However, it will aid in my ability, agility, and quality of life. ((I WILL BE ABLE TO LAUGH AGAIN!!!!!))

After praying, talking, discussing, and thinking about the options, we have elected to go ahead with the surgery. I will be calling in the morning to schedule. We will be aiming for late October/early November. We want to keep the surgery in the same calendar year for insurance reasons-we have already met our almost $6,000 deductible this year! I would like to be mobile and feeling a little better by the holidays. I also want to save up at least a little leave time to help us out financially while I am off on leave. While I am concerned with the surgery itself, I'm also concerned about being off work for so long. After 4 weeks, I can draw short-term disability at 65% of my current earnings which will help, but it still is a concern. I will have family to stay with me and of course my faithful hubby. Mom has stated she IS staying with me for a while. And I have so many friends and loved ones that I am certain will be available.

I know it is a big deal and cause for concern. From my perspective though, excluding the financial and recovery restraints, I am relieved. For almost two years I've had health care professionals dismiss and avoid my symptoms. They looked at me like a drug-seeker crazy lady. People didn't understand why I stopped laughing freely. It was nearly impossible to explain my symptoms to people. Then it began interfering with my job and nearly cost it. I am incredibly blessed to have a work-family that actually believed my nearly unbelievable problems. I mean seriously, who looks at a relatively health 28 year old and says “yep, I believe she has memory loss.”Walking in public, I often look drunk because I walk into whoever I am with, cars, walls, doors, etc. For me, this is an end in sight. I want to laugh freely again. I want to remember what I did yesterday without having to journal and write it all down throughout the day. I want to put on my shoes without falling over. I want to open a pill bottle or pickle jar. I want to be normal me again!

I know that my family and loved ones are more concerned than I feel at the moment. That may change the closer it comes, but right now I am comfortable with the news and hopeful for the results. I have prayed about it for a long time. I feel that if God wants, He will heal me. But I am also certain that if I am meant to go through this to follow His plan for me, I am all in. I know that He is with me and I am always on His mind. I am excited that He has something in store for me. So it sounds strange that I don't want prayer for healing. I want prayer for strength to follow through with whatever His plan is for me. I think that big ordeals like this are what makes people who they are and changes their direction for His plan. A testimony isn't a testimony without any obstacles. If life has been easy and great forever, we have nothing to share for encouragement. I am confident that if I am not healed, then this is His plan for me and I will walk it with faith. I pray I have support and love from many folks. Prayer is always stronger in numbers. Please pray that I have strength, comfort and wisdom. Please pray for the family that will be walking with me-I think they have it harder than I do! They have to wait anxiously through the surgery while I sleep peacefully. They have to put up with me through the recovery and not beat me in the meantime! So pray for them to have patience, strength, comfort and faith. Please pray for the medical team to have Him with them and guide their hands and minds to be successful and thorough, that they may walk with Him and allow Him in their hearts and minds. Please pray for safe travels and support from all our friends and their families. I know people have it so much worse than I because they don't have the support that I do so I truly feel blessed.

Thank y'all for reading and praying! Prayer really does work and I plan to show y'all in person! I will walk in faith and trust in Him.

20's The New 30's? Uhm, kinda.

Sometimes my blogs are simply the thoughts and revelations floating through this big brain of mine. Other times it is more based on something I have seen, read, or participated in over the past few days. Today's is about an article I read online. The article talked about all the reasons why the 30's are NOT the new 20's. While I agree that one should enjoy life as it comes and goes without total planning for the future, I don't agree wholeheartedly.

I think age is a relative concept. We base a persons intellect, experience, education, relationships, etc. based upon a "normal" curve of maturity. Society has a set of expectations for ages that aren't necessarily congruent with real life. I approach age, mentality, and maturity with redesince, I don't believe that at 18 years old, an individual has any real idea about what they want to do with the rest of their lives. For many individuals, the only life experiences they have is schooling and cruising through the educational system. I do not believe that an individual should be allowed to serve his/her country and die for her freedom but cannot have a celebratory drink or consume alcohol. I think we have a great deal of discrepencies in our society.

I don't think individuals are competant to make life choices at 18, so I am not suggesting lowering the drinking age. I am suggesting as a baseline to raise the age in which men and women can lay down their lives for freedom, vote for political issues, buy lottery tickets, etc. There is so much that individuals are unable to comprehend the sacrifice and what the future will hold. Myself included, had no idea what I was doing after I turned 18. I was still "invinsible" in my own mind.

Back to the case in point. The article talked about all the things that people can do in their 20's-being free, exploring the world, having fun, make memories, etc. It then went on to talk about how half of marriages fail (blamed on marrying young,) children cause stress and worry, finances and other responsibilities weigh you down and burden you. I take great offense to this. i have been married for 4 years, from the age of 24 on my part (He was 28.) I haven't found that marriage and responsibilities are burdensome and unwanted. I have found that my life is far more filling and enriched with him in my life.

Looking back, I would certainly change things in my life. I wouldn't have spent time with men who I knew were not my forever mate, I would have lived more in the moment, I would have told people I loved them, etc. As of right now though, if I could go back and change things, I wouldn't. Each and every one of those events made me who I am today. I am proud of the person I have become and the person that I am evolving into.

Women are waiting much longer to conceive. While this allows for them to mature more and become more in tune with their true to form self, it also causes exponential growth in infertility and pregnancy. No one wants to tell the 20 somethings that the older you get, the lesser the chances of conception-on the female end anyways. By 30, fertility is cut in half, at 35 it's cut down to 25% and just continues through 40. So yes, I stuggest women experience life and find out who they are before creating a new life. A person absolutely MUST find happiness from within before they can offer themselves to another fully. Those marriages that are doomed to fail are often because the parties involved do not comprehend who they are as an individual and lack self-encouragement and love for themselves. This prevents them from fully opening up and having a true-to-self understanding of the other person's views, personalities, reactions, etc.

Let me tell you this, infertility is NOT cheap! IVF (in-vitro fertilization) and IUI (intra-uterine insemination) can cost on the upwards of $10,000. Even though you may be in college and think you're going to get a great job and be able to pay this, short of getting a doctor/lawyer/lottery winner, $10,000 will always be a huge chunk of change! Having children is expensive in itself, as is raising them. Just imagine starting out with all of that by paying a lump sum of that amount of money.

I'm not saying women should get married in their 20's. I'm also not saying they shouldn't. I'm saying they shouldn't rely on mass media and articles written by bitter men and women to know when the time is right. As humans, we are born with an innate ability to know when the timing is right and what to do next, even if we are unsure of our own actions in the moment. I always thought I would be married by 25, have children by 27, and move on with my happy, healthy life. But simply stated, our lives are not a book, or a movie, or even a blog. The endings aren't always happy. The actions we take aren't always right. Events aren't always predictable. I want to scream this from the highest mountaintop and tell all of todays youth this. I think we have this preemptive idea that life will be great in the next chapter so we close our eyes and flip through the rest of this chapter to get to the next. Sadly the next chapter isn't always what we expect or want it to be!

My advice to women in their 20's? Live it up. Nowdays they say "you only live once." When I was young, we said "carpe diem" or seize the day. Live in every moment. Learn and discover who you are and what your life is all about. Don't fret because you can't figure out where you're going because even the most well-put together people haven't a clue where life will lead us. You are young and agile. You have so much to live for and look forward to. Don't plan every detail of your future because it likely won't happen that way anyways. Set attainable goals and strive for them. When you fall in love with someone who has fallen in love with you, don't put of the big M. If you are meant to be and will be toghether forever, get Married! Don't wait because someone or something said you were too young. Realize that it is a true commitment and you will live with it forever. If you do get divorced down the road, you won't be considered 'single.' You will be considered 'divorced.' No matter what you do, you can't ever go back to those places in your memories. But life to come? Well it is very worth it too.

Women in your 30's just getting started on your "settled" life, enjoy every moment. Just like in your 20's, moments are fleeting and even in the worst of times, you can make the best of memories. Life will be hard but worth every moment. If you haven't started or settled into a routine life and are still exploring yourself and the world, keep it up! There is a plan for you and you will have purpose in your life. I know many women who focused on careers and were happy with single=dom through their 40's and 50's. Then out of the blue, they fall madly in love and get married so late in life.

Life moves in a direction we never intended to go. Most single mothers never planned on being a single parent. Most widows never expected to be alone  again. Most parents never expect a child to be injured or killed. Life isn't a straight line with predictable outcome. It is messy and complicated. It is crazy and weird. It is uncomfortable and hard. It is happy and joyous. It is sad and lonely. Life in it's fullest is simply everything. Be you and love you for who you are.

DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU  it's not your time or that you're too young, getting too old, pressure you into moving quicker (and generally more hastily.) Follow your heart but protect it with your heart.

Turn The Other Cheek---Easier Said Than Done

I have taken a short hiatus from blogging to focus my attention on the arrival of this year's VBS titled "Weird Animals." The story lines explore different stories through the Bible that Jesus encounters people who are different, lonely, left out, etc. but he loves them anyways. Examples are healing the ten (mostly ungrateful) lepers, talking to the lonely Samaritan woman, washing his disciples' feet, dying on the cross, etc. So even though we are left out, lonely, dirty, sinners, Jesus still loves us. Even though we are weird, we are made perfectly in his image and we should love all his creatures as he loved his children; without judgemental eyes, sneering looks, mean remarks, whispers behind their backs, etc. It's a good story line and I have been blessed to teach the "Bible Adventures" class where we play out and interact the story of the Bible.

This evening however, I have a great deal on my mind. It's been a long couple days and I haven't spent much time on Facebook. Tonight, while scrolling through my newsfeed, I found some unsettling remarks. I read comments beneath the picture of a woman on the beach. The remarks were from a self-proclaimed Christian but portray Christians in a very bad light. The comments were hateful, judgemental, cruel, and just mean spirited. It upsets me a great deal that people think just because they are "Christians" they have the right to stand on a podium and point out the shortcomings of others. I do feel that we are supposed to support others and help them overcome their sins and bad habits. I do think that we shouldn't ignore people's sin and live in this happy-go-lucky, "God loves everyone so I don't have to try" mentality. But we shouldn't point out sins from a higher standing like we are more important and then continue to judge, criticize and demean them.

Jesus met many people while he was here that were not "good Christians." Noone withholding Jesus, was or ever will be without sin. He never criticized them, belittled them, or spoke cruely to them. He didn't say "I'll pray for you" in a snide manner. He didn't curse at them and walk away in disguist. He didn't walk away at all in fact. He didn't poke, prod, and aggitate them to encourage argumentation. He loved them despite their sins. He loved them despite adultry, disease, murder, theft, idolitry, and so many other things. He loved them because they were his Father's children. We are all our Father's children. So we are all brothers and sisters.

I become enraged when someone uses their being a Christian as a basis for others to live up to. I will never live up to some and I will greatly surpass others. Noone will ever live up to Jesus Christ's life on Earth. We will never experience a love so true, an understanding without confusion, or life so perfect as he did. We will never measure up to Him or His Father. That's kind of the whole point. Going all the way back to Genesis, Adam ate the apple and so did Eve. Because of this, human decendents from this line are all sinners and will be until the second coming when we are all raised into Heaven. We should not compare ourselves to others-Christian or otherwise- because if Jesus had compared Himself to us, we would never be permitted into the Kingdom of Heaven because we would never be good enough. It is through His grace that we are forgiven. Not because of our good deeds or charity. Not because we brought so many people to Him. Not because we were "good Christians." We are welcomed into the Kingdom of Heaven because of His grace and His grace alone.

I am not a woman who measures up to others. I am also not a woman who feels as though she must. I must follow my heart and pray that God fills me with his wisdom to know where to go and what to do. I have made so many mistakes in my life, I can only imagine how many more I will make. I do not feel that my sins are much greater or much less than anyone else's because I will not compare my sins to theirs. A child who grows up incredibly poor may steal a thousand times just to feed him/herself. Is that better or worse than a person stealing out of idolitry and wanton? There are so many factors that play in each situation that with my limited knowledge, I have no way of comparing the sin themselves, the situation surrounding them, the individual's relationship to God and repentance. If I were to compare them and state that stealing food to feed onesself is okay but wanton stealing from the elderly is not, I may not know that the elderly was a wealthy non-believer and God requested the individual take what was rightfully his/hers. ((This is NOT permission to steal anything from anyone or blame God for telling you to steal anything either. I am simply stating a hypothetical situation) The only person that is able to rightfully judge and praise or condemn is the omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient God Almighty himself.

Being a Christian doesn't give you the right to judge others. It doesn't give you the right to be cruel, harsh, evil-spirited, aggitating, unsupporting, or otherwise condemning to anyone whether they are Christian or not. If an individual is committing sin that you feel you must point out, first ensure that you are doing it for their welfare, not your own. Many many people will point out another's sins because they feel they have been cheated on, lied to, stolen from, or otherwise taken advantage of. We point out sins out of revenge and anger instead of true consideration and love for the individual. For example, a friend of mine asks for money for gas to get home then posts pictures of how they went out and partied after receiving money from me. By pointing out that lying is a sin and they should feel shameful for their actions, I doubt I would be doing it out of concern for their soul. I would likely be pointing out the shortcomings because of my own personal feelings of anger, betrayal and hurt......unfair and sinful judgement---on my part!! So we then start this vicious cycle of sin- he sins, she judges unrighteously, he gets angered, she gets angered, he leaves, she leaves, and so it goes. If I were to step back after loaning them the monies in the examply and ask myself, "would Jesus tell them to repent for lying to me?" I don't believe that he would. I think he would tell me to love them unconditionally and forgive quickly.

We never know what is happening in another's life. Perhaps the friend in my example only needed money to get home to get their cash, perhaps their friend invited them out and paid for everything, perhaps they went out to forget unwanted feelings or emotions, perhaps they went to pick up another friend that otherwise would have driven intoxicated and killed someone or themselves. These are the things that we as humans have no way of including in judgement. That's why all judgement should be left up to the one who is all-knowing. Yes, we get angry. We feel betrayed. We are hurt. We are sad. For all these things we experience, we should turn our hearts to God. We should ask God for comfort and relief from these feelings. We should ask him for guidance in navigating the situation without judging them or turning away from them. We should pray and connect with God. Then give it all to Him. He will judge and forgive. All sins committed whether against other humans (lying, cheating, stealing, abusing, etc.) ones' own self (self mutilation, gluttony, lust, pleasure, etc.) or against God himself, they are all forwarded to Him. He is the judge, jury, and jailer/executioner. All sins committed are His to deal with as He sees fit. Don't let another's transgressions cause you to commit sin against them. Leave it to God. Leave it ALL to God.

Neuros and Pros!!

Today was my neurology appointment in Columbus with The Ohio State University Medical Center. I really enjoyed it, surprisingly enough. The drive up wasn't bad---of course, I was riding, not driving though! Traffic wasn't too bad and we zipped right up the road.  J did wonderful and didn't look around too much, which he likes to do when we are out of small town America. The center was very nice, the employees were all so nice, helpful, and friendly! We arrived almost an hour early. They went ahead, registered us, and took vitals. Right at 1pm, they took me back to the room where we waited for the resident physician.

 

The physician was a resident but very thorough. He asked all the neurological-y questions, did all kinds of physical tests. He took the MRI and discs to confer with the attending physician. Then, they both came back. The doctor told me that I do have "low-lying cerebellar tonsils" and pretty significant sinus damage. The cerebellar tonsils are a little hang-downy part of my cerebellum (a small part of the brain.) They actually hang so low that that they almost rest on the skull. This can cause interruption in the flow of CSF-cerebral spinal fluids-to the brain. They believe this may be the cause of the intensly sharp pains I experience anytime when I strain along with a number of other things that go along with limited or decreased CSF flow in the brain.

 

From what I have read, CSF is the jelly fluid stuff that surrounds your brain. It is what keeps your brain afloat and allows for movements without causing significant damage to the brain. If this fluid is low, flow is stopped, there is too much, or anything at all changes, the brain reacts very poorly. If the cerebellar tonsils lay too low, they can actually limit and/or reduce the flow of CSF from your spine into your skull to surround the brain. So the pains are similar to wrapping a string around your finger (don't try it.... most people have done it before, but can cause your digits to fall of...) then remove the string. The blood rushed into the finger and it hurts very badly at that point. The same happens with the cerebellar tonsils if they lie to low in the brain.

 

The doctors ordered ((MORE)) MRI's. These are going to be an MRI of the CSF flow and an MRI  of the internal auditory canal. I've already had a general MRI, MRA, CT, and Myelogram. This new one will be an MRI that looks at the flow of the CSF around the brain and spinal cord. The MRI of the auditory canal is because of the constant thrumming that I hear in my left ear. I can consistently hear my heartbeat and when there are super loud or close noises like hammering, phone ringing-like I'm calling someone else and it's ringing, and semis driving by. My ears look fine, not obstructions or anything. However, they are connected to both the sinus cavity and the brain.

 

My testing appointments are actually scheduled for a week from Sunday, yes Sunday! I was shocked that they do testing on the weekends, especially outpatient ones! I am also being referred to a neurosurgeon. They want to make sure that nothing needs to be done surgically to correct the problem in order to maintain CSF levels. They can remove a small piece of the skull and cervical vertebrae to allow for a straighter path for the flow. She said she didn't think this would ne necessary, but wanted them to check it out too.

 

So I am a happy camper that I have gotten some answers. Not full diagnosis and plan of approach, but some answers are better than what I've gotten from Holzer at all. The MRI that showed all of this was done well over a year ago and went unnoticed until a couple weeks ago. The doctor who read it even said that everything was normal-made no mention of the tonsils at all. He did not some sinus impaction. I go back in 10 days for the MRI's, the followup with a neurosurgen. Then I will return to the regular neuro for a follow up in 1-2 months.

 

I think today has been successful!!!

A Father's Love

We had a guest speaker at church this morning. That always makes me a little nervous because they can sometimes be a little...extreme. This guy, however, he was good. I enjoyed the message he presented today. Some of his points included Jesus is angered by "religious people," people who put religion before others. We've all seen them or know some. These are the individuals who feel that because they are "religious" that others are beneath them, not worth of their attention or time. These are the people who put religion ahead of the needs of their fellow man. The example given was this: you're on your way to church and you are so close to being late and rushed. You pass someone along the side of the road who needs help. Do you stop and be late for church? If you don't, you're giving up the chance to tell someone about Jesus and help your fellow man, all for what? To be on time to 'worship' God.

 

Throughout the Bible, Jesus is referred to as our best friend and biggest supporter. He is always there and always supporting us in our endeavors. We on the other hand are not good friends to Jesus. We are more likely to run to him when things are bad, we cancel our plans with Him, we have priorities above him, etc.

 

He also nailed on child abuse. That harming His children angers him, as written in Matthew 18:6- "If anyone causes one of these little ones-those who believe in me-to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the worlk because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!" To abuse a child is truly causing harm to God's truest and most innocent children.

 

We also talked about Abraham being a great father. Many people think he was an awful father because he was actually going to sacrifice his only son, his future, his prodigy. I, however, think Abraham is the person who comes the closest to understanding the true sacrifice that God made on Calvary Hill, giving His only son to pay for our sins.

 

The last big bulletin his was the wrath of the Father. A person who loves their children will become angry when someone harms or dangers their children. They also become disappointed when they make the wrong choices because they can see the potential for the child's life. I wouldn't want a happy-go-lucky God. I want a just God who will protect me from harm and can make the hard decisions. I want a God who knows my best interest, not just my worldly desires. I want my God to be able to pass harsh judgement on those who need it. I thank Him though, that His son died on that cross so that I can be His child no matter how many times I screwed up. I am so thankful that He can forgive me and love me with repentence and faith.