20's The New 30's? Uhm, kinda.

Sometimes my blogs are simply the thoughts and revelations floating through this big brain of mine. Other times it is more based on something I have seen, read, or participated in over the past few days. Today's is about an article I read online. The article talked about all the reasons why the 30's are NOT the new 20's. While I agree that one should enjoy life as it comes and goes without total planning for the future, I don't agree wholeheartedly.

I think age is a relative concept. We base a persons intellect, experience, education, relationships, etc. based upon a "normal" curve of maturity. Society has a set of expectations for ages that aren't necessarily congruent with real life. I approach age, mentality, and maturity with redesince, I don't believe that at 18 years old, an individual has any real idea about what they want to do with the rest of their lives. For many individuals, the only life experiences they have is schooling and cruising through the educational system. I do not believe that an individual should be allowed to serve his/her country and die for her freedom but cannot have a celebratory drink or consume alcohol. I think we have a great deal of discrepencies in our society.

I don't think individuals are competant to make life choices at 18, so I am not suggesting lowering the drinking age. I am suggesting as a baseline to raise the age in which men and women can lay down their lives for freedom, vote for political issues, buy lottery tickets, etc. There is so much that individuals are unable to comprehend the sacrifice and what the future will hold. Myself included, had no idea what I was doing after I turned 18. I was still "invinsible" in my own mind.

Back to the case in point. The article talked about all the things that people can do in their 20's-being free, exploring the world, having fun, make memories, etc. It then went on to talk about how half of marriages fail (blamed on marrying young,) children cause stress and worry, finances and other responsibilities weigh you down and burden you. I take great offense to this. i have been married for 4 years, from the age of 24 on my part (He was 28.) I haven't found that marriage and responsibilities are burdensome and unwanted. I have found that my life is far more filling and enriched with him in my life.

Looking back, I would certainly change things in my life. I wouldn't have spent time with men who I knew were not my forever mate, I would have lived more in the moment, I would have told people I loved them, etc. As of right now though, if I could go back and change things, I wouldn't. Each and every one of those events made me who I am today. I am proud of the person I have become and the person that I am evolving into.

Women are waiting much longer to conceive. While this allows for them to mature more and become more in tune with their true to form self, it also causes exponential growth in infertility and pregnancy. No one wants to tell the 20 somethings that the older you get, the lesser the chances of conception-on the female end anyways. By 30, fertility is cut in half, at 35 it's cut down to 25% and just continues through 40. So yes, I stuggest women experience life and find out who they are before creating a new life. A person absolutely MUST find happiness from within before they can offer themselves to another fully. Those marriages that are doomed to fail are often because the parties involved do not comprehend who they are as an individual and lack self-encouragement and love for themselves. This prevents them from fully opening up and having a true-to-self understanding of the other person's views, personalities, reactions, etc.

Let me tell you this, infertility is NOT cheap! IVF (in-vitro fertilization) and IUI (intra-uterine insemination) can cost on the upwards of $10,000. Even though you may be in college and think you're going to get a great job and be able to pay this, short of getting a doctor/lawyer/lottery winner, $10,000 will always be a huge chunk of change! Having children is expensive in itself, as is raising them. Just imagine starting out with all of that by paying a lump sum of that amount of money.

I'm not saying women should get married in their 20's. I'm also not saying they shouldn't. I'm saying they shouldn't rely on mass media and articles written by bitter men and women to know when the time is right. As humans, we are born with an innate ability to know when the timing is right and what to do next, even if we are unsure of our own actions in the moment. I always thought I would be married by 25, have children by 27, and move on with my happy, healthy life. But simply stated, our lives are not a book, or a movie, or even a blog. The endings aren't always happy. The actions we take aren't always right. Events aren't always predictable. I want to scream this from the highest mountaintop and tell all of todays youth this. I think we have this preemptive idea that life will be great in the next chapter so we close our eyes and flip through the rest of this chapter to get to the next. Sadly the next chapter isn't always what we expect or want it to be!

My advice to women in their 20's? Live it up. Nowdays they say "you only live once." When I was young, we said "carpe diem" or seize the day. Live in every moment. Learn and discover who you are and what your life is all about. Don't fret because you can't figure out where you're going because even the most well-put together people haven't a clue where life will lead us. You are young and agile. You have so much to live for and look forward to. Don't plan every detail of your future because it likely won't happen that way anyways. Set attainable goals and strive for them. When you fall in love with someone who has fallen in love with you, don't put of the big M. If you are meant to be and will be toghether forever, get Married! Don't wait because someone or something said you were too young. Realize that it is a true commitment and you will live with it forever. If you do get divorced down the road, you won't be considered 'single.' You will be considered 'divorced.' No matter what you do, you can't ever go back to those places in your memories. But life to come? Well it is very worth it too.

Women in your 30's just getting started on your "settled" life, enjoy every moment. Just like in your 20's, moments are fleeting and even in the worst of times, you can make the best of memories. Life will be hard but worth every moment. If you haven't started or settled into a routine life and are still exploring yourself and the world, keep it up! There is a plan for you and you will have purpose in your life. I know many women who focused on careers and were happy with single=dom through their 40's and 50's. Then out of the blue, they fall madly in love and get married so late in life.

Life moves in a direction we never intended to go. Most single mothers never planned on being a single parent. Most widows never expected to be alone  again. Most parents never expect a child to be injured or killed. Life isn't a straight line with predictable outcome. It is messy and complicated. It is crazy and weird. It is uncomfortable and hard. It is happy and joyous. It is sad and lonely. Life in it's fullest is simply everything. Be you and love you for who you are.

DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU  it's not your time or that you're too young, getting too old, pressure you into moving quicker (and generally more hastily.) Follow your heart but protect it with your heart.