20's The New 30's? Uhm, kinda.

Sometimes my blogs are simply the thoughts and revelations floating through this big brain of mine. Other times it is more based on something I have seen, read, or participated in over the past few days. Today's is about an article I read online. The article talked about all the reasons why the 30's are NOT the new 20's. While I agree that one should enjoy life as it comes and goes without total planning for the future, I don't agree wholeheartedly.

I think age is a relative concept. We base a persons intellect, experience, education, relationships, etc. based upon a "normal" curve of maturity. Society has a set of expectations for ages that aren't necessarily congruent with real life. I approach age, mentality, and maturity with redesince, I don't believe that at 18 years old, an individual has any real idea about what they want to do with the rest of their lives. For many individuals, the only life experiences they have is schooling and cruising through the educational system. I do not believe that an individual should be allowed to serve his/her country and die for her freedom but cannot have a celebratory drink or consume alcohol. I think we have a great deal of discrepencies in our society.

I don't think individuals are competant to make life choices at 18, so I am not suggesting lowering the drinking age. I am suggesting as a baseline to raise the age in which men and women can lay down their lives for freedom, vote for political issues, buy lottery tickets, etc. There is so much that individuals are unable to comprehend the sacrifice and what the future will hold. Myself included, had no idea what I was doing after I turned 18. I was still "invinsible" in my own mind.

Back to the case in point. The article talked about all the things that people can do in their 20's-being free, exploring the world, having fun, make memories, etc. It then went on to talk about how half of marriages fail (blamed on marrying young,) children cause stress and worry, finances and other responsibilities weigh you down and burden you. I take great offense to this. i have been married for 4 years, from the age of 24 on my part (He was 28.) I haven't found that marriage and responsibilities are burdensome and unwanted. I have found that my life is far more filling and enriched with him in my life.

Looking back, I would certainly change things in my life. I wouldn't have spent time with men who I knew were not my forever mate, I would have lived more in the moment, I would have told people I loved them, etc. As of right now though, if I could go back and change things, I wouldn't. Each and every one of those events made me who I am today. I am proud of the person I have become and the person that I am evolving into.

Women are waiting much longer to conceive. While this allows for them to mature more and become more in tune with their true to form self, it also causes exponential growth in infertility and pregnancy. No one wants to tell the 20 somethings that the older you get, the lesser the chances of conception-on the female end anyways. By 30, fertility is cut in half, at 35 it's cut down to 25% and just continues through 40. So yes, I stuggest women experience life and find out who they are before creating a new life. A person absolutely MUST find happiness from within before they can offer themselves to another fully. Those marriages that are doomed to fail are often because the parties involved do not comprehend who they are as an individual and lack self-encouragement and love for themselves. This prevents them from fully opening up and having a true-to-self understanding of the other person's views, personalities, reactions, etc.

Let me tell you this, infertility is NOT cheap! IVF (in-vitro fertilization) and IUI (intra-uterine insemination) can cost on the upwards of $10,000. Even though you may be in college and think you're going to get a great job and be able to pay this, short of getting a doctor/lawyer/lottery winner, $10,000 will always be a huge chunk of change! Having children is expensive in itself, as is raising them. Just imagine starting out with all of that by paying a lump sum of that amount of money.

I'm not saying women should get married in their 20's. I'm also not saying they shouldn't. I'm saying they shouldn't rely on mass media and articles written by bitter men and women to know when the time is right. As humans, we are born with an innate ability to know when the timing is right and what to do next, even if we are unsure of our own actions in the moment. I always thought I would be married by 25, have children by 27, and move on with my happy, healthy life. But simply stated, our lives are not a book, or a movie, or even a blog. The endings aren't always happy. The actions we take aren't always right. Events aren't always predictable. I want to scream this from the highest mountaintop and tell all of todays youth this. I think we have this preemptive idea that life will be great in the next chapter so we close our eyes and flip through the rest of this chapter to get to the next. Sadly the next chapter isn't always what we expect or want it to be!

My advice to women in their 20's? Live it up. Nowdays they say "you only live once." When I was young, we said "carpe diem" or seize the day. Live in every moment. Learn and discover who you are and what your life is all about. Don't fret because you can't figure out where you're going because even the most well-put together people haven't a clue where life will lead us. You are young and agile. You have so much to live for and look forward to. Don't plan every detail of your future because it likely won't happen that way anyways. Set attainable goals and strive for them. When you fall in love with someone who has fallen in love with you, don't put of the big M. If you are meant to be and will be toghether forever, get Married! Don't wait because someone or something said you were too young. Realize that it is a true commitment and you will live with it forever. If you do get divorced down the road, you won't be considered 'single.' You will be considered 'divorced.' No matter what you do, you can't ever go back to those places in your memories. But life to come? Well it is very worth it too.

Women in your 30's just getting started on your "settled" life, enjoy every moment. Just like in your 20's, moments are fleeting and even in the worst of times, you can make the best of memories. Life will be hard but worth every moment. If you haven't started or settled into a routine life and are still exploring yourself and the world, keep it up! There is a plan for you and you will have purpose in your life. I know many women who focused on careers and were happy with single=dom through their 40's and 50's. Then out of the blue, they fall madly in love and get married so late in life.

Life moves in a direction we never intended to go. Most single mothers never planned on being a single parent. Most widows never expected to be alone  again. Most parents never expect a child to be injured or killed. Life isn't a straight line with predictable outcome. It is messy and complicated. It is crazy and weird. It is uncomfortable and hard. It is happy and joyous. It is sad and lonely. Life in it's fullest is simply everything. Be you and love you for who you are.

DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU  it's not your time or that you're too young, getting too old, pressure you into moving quicker (and generally more hastily.) Follow your heart but protect it with your heart.

Turn The Other Cheek---Easier Said Than Done

I have taken a short hiatus from blogging to focus my attention on the arrival of this year's VBS titled "Weird Animals." The story lines explore different stories through the Bible that Jesus encounters people who are different, lonely, left out, etc. but he loves them anyways. Examples are healing the ten (mostly ungrateful) lepers, talking to the lonely Samaritan woman, washing his disciples' feet, dying on the cross, etc. So even though we are left out, lonely, dirty, sinners, Jesus still loves us. Even though we are weird, we are made perfectly in his image and we should love all his creatures as he loved his children; without judgemental eyes, sneering looks, mean remarks, whispers behind their backs, etc. It's a good story line and I have been blessed to teach the "Bible Adventures" class where we play out and interact the story of the Bible.

This evening however, I have a great deal on my mind. It's been a long couple days and I haven't spent much time on Facebook. Tonight, while scrolling through my newsfeed, I found some unsettling remarks. I read comments beneath the picture of a woman on the beach. The remarks were from a self-proclaimed Christian but portray Christians in a very bad light. The comments were hateful, judgemental, cruel, and just mean spirited. It upsets me a great deal that people think just because they are "Christians" they have the right to stand on a podium and point out the shortcomings of others. I do feel that we are supposed to support others and help them overcome their sins and bad habits. I do think that we shouldn't ignore people's sin and live in this happy-go-lucky, "God loves everyone so I don't have to try" mentality. But we shouldn't point out sins from a higher standing like we are more important and then continue to judge, criticize and demean them.

Jesus met many people while he was here that were not "good Christians." Noone withholding Jesus, was or ever will be without sin. He never criticized them, belittled them, or spoke cruely to them. He didn't say "I'll pray for you" in a snide manner. He didn't curse at them and walk away in disguist. He didn't walk away at all in fact. He didn't poke, prod, and aggitate them to encourage argumentation. He loved them despite their sins. He loved them despite adultry, disease, murder, theft, idolitry, and so many other things. He loved them because they were his Father's children. We are all our Father's children. So we are all brothers and sisters.

I become enraged when someone uses their being a Christian as a basis for others to live up to. I will never live up to some and I will greatly surpass others. Noone will ever live up to Jesus Christ's life on Earth. We will never experience a love so true, an understanding without confusion, or life so perfect as he did. We will never measure up to Him or His Father. That's kind of the whole point. Going all the way back to Genesis, Adam ate the apple and so did Eve. Because of this, human decendents from this line are all sinners and will be until the second coming when we are all raised into Heaven. We should not compare ourselves to others-Christian or otherwise- because if Jesus had compared Himself to us, we would never be permitted into the Kingdom of Heaven because we would never be good enough. It is through His grace that we are forgiven. Not because of our good deeds or charity. Not because we brought so many people to Him. Not because we were "good Christians." We are welcomed into the Kingdom of Heaven because of His grace and His grace alone.

I am not a woman who measures up to others. I am also not a woman who feels as though she must. I must follow my heart and pray that God fills me with his wisdom to know where to go and what to do. I have made so many mistakes in my life, I can only imagine how many more I will make. I do not feel that my sins are much greater or much less than anyone else's because I will not compare my sins to theirs. A child who grows up incredibly poor may steal a thousand times just to feed him/herself. Is that better or worse than a person stealing out of idolitry and wanton? There are so many factors that play in each situation that with my limited knowledge, I have no way of comparing the sin themselves, the situation surrounding them, the individual's relationship to God and repentance. If I were to compare them and state that stealing food to feed onesself is okay but wanton stealing from the elderly is not, I may not know that the elderly was a wealthy non-believer and God requested the individual take what was rightfully his/hers. ((This is NOT permission to steal anything from anyone or blame God for telling you to steal anything either. I am simply stating a hypothetical situation) The only person that is able to rightfully judge and praise or condemn is the omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient God Almighty himself.

Being a Christian doesn't give you the right to judge others. It doesn't give you the right to be cruel, harsh, evil-spirited, aggitating, unsupporting, or otherwise condemning to anyone whether they are Christian or not. If an individual is committing sin that you feel you must point out, first ensure that you are doing it for their welfare, not your own. Many many people will point out another's sins because they feel they have been cheated on, lied to, stolen from, or otherwise taken advantage of. We point out sins out of revenge and anger instead of true consideration and love for the individual. For example, a friend of mine asks for money for gas to get home then posts pictures of how they went out and partied after receiving money from me. By pointing out that lying is a sin and they should feel shameful for their actions, I doubt I would be doing it out of concern for their soul. I would likely be pointing out the shortcomings because of my own personal feelings of anger, betrayal and hurt......unfair and sinful judgement---on my part!! So we then start this vicious cycle of sin- he sins, she judges unrighteously, he gets angered, she gets angered, he leaves, she leaves, and so it goes. If I were to step back after loaning them the monies in the examply and ask myself, "would Jesus tell them to repent for lying to me?" I don't believe that he would. I think he would tell me to love them unconditionally and forgive quickly.

We never know what is happening in another's life. Perhaps the friend in my example only needed money to get home to get their cash, perhaps their friend invited them out and paid for everything, perhaps they went out to forget unwanted feelings or emotions, perhaps they went to pick up another friend that otherwise would have driven intoxicated and killed someone or themselves. These are the things that we as humans have no way of including in judgement. That's why all judgement should be left up to the one who is all-knowing. Yes, we get angry. We feel betrayed. We are hurt. We are sad. For all these things we experience, we should turn our hearts to God. We should ask God for comfort and relief from these feelings. We should ask him for guidance in navigating the situation without judging them or turning away from them. We should pray and connect with God. Then give it all to Him. He will judge and forgive. All sins committed whether against other humans (lying, cheating, stealing, abusing, etc.) ones' own self (self mutilation, gluttony, lust, pleasure, etc.) or against God himself, they are all forwarded to Him. He is the judge, jury, and jailer/executioner. All sins committed are His to deal with as He sees fit. Don't let another's transgressions cause you to commit sin against them. Leave it to God. Leave it ALL to God.

Neuros and Pros!!

Today was my neurology appointment in Columbus with The Ohio State University Medical Center. I really enjoyed it, surprisingly enough. The drive up wasn't bad---of course, I was riding, not driving though! Traffic wasn't too bad and we zipped right up the road.  J did wonderful and didn't look around too much, which he likes to do when we are out of small town America. The center was very nice, the employees were all so nice, helpful, and friendly! We arrived almost an hour early. They went ahead, registered us, and took vitals. Right at 1pm, they took me back to the room where we waited for the resident physician.

 

The physician was a resident but very thorough. He asked all the neurological-y questions, did all kinds of physical tests. He took the MRI and discs to confer with the attending physician. Then, they both came back. The doctor told me that I do have "low-lying cerebellar tonsils" and pretty significant sinus damage. The cerebellar tonsils are a little hang-downy part of my cerebellum (a small part of the brain.) They actually hang so low that that they almost rest on the skull. This can cause interruption in the flow of CSF-cerebral spinal fluids-to the brain. They believe this may be the cause of the intensly sharp pains I experience anytime when I strain along with a number of other things that go along with limited or decreased CSF flow in the brain.

 

From what I have read, CSF is the jelly fluid stuff that surrounds your brain. It is what keeps your brain afloat and allows for movements without causing significant damage to the brain. If this fluid is low, flow is stopped, there is too much, or anything at all changes, the brain reacts very poorly. If the cerebellar tonsils lay too low, they can actually limit and/or reduce the flow of CSF from your spine into your skull to surround the brain. So the pains are similar to wrapping a string around your finger (don't try it.... most people have done it before, but can cause your digits to fall of...) then remove the string. The blood rushed into the finger and it hurts very badly at that point. The same happens with the cerebellar tonsils if they lie to low in the brain.

 

The doctors ordered ((MORE)) MRI's. These are going to be an MRI of the CSF flow and an MRI  of the internal auditory canal. I've already had a general MRI, MRA, CT, and Myelogram. This new one will be an MRI that looks at the flow of the CSF around the brain and spinal cord. The MRI of the auditory canal is because of the constant thrumming that I hear in my left ear. I can consistently hear my heartbeat and when there are super loud or close noises like hammering, phone ringing-like I'm calling someone else and it's ringing, and semis driving by. My ears look fine, not obstructions or anything. However, they are connected to both the sinus cavity and the brain.

 

My testing appointments are actually scheduled for a week from Sunday, yes Sunday! I was shocked that they do testing on the weekends, especially outpatient ones! I am also being referred to a neurosurgeon. They want to make sure that nothing needs to be done surgically to correct the problem in order to maintain CSF levels. They can remove a small piece of the skull and cervical vertebrae to allow for a straighter path for the flow. She said she didn't think this would ne necessary, but wanted them to check it out too.

 

So I am a happy camper that I have gotten some answers. Not full diagnosis and plan of approach, but some answers are better than what I've gotten from Holzer at all. The MRI that showed all of this was done well over a year ago and went unnoticed until a couple weeks ago. The doctor who read it even said that everything was normal-made no mention of the tonsils at all. He did not some sinus impaction. I go back in 10 days for the MRI's, the followup with a neurosurgen. Then I will return to the regular neuro for a follow up in 1-2 months.

 

I think today has been successful!!!

A Father's Love

We had a guest speaker at church this morning. That always makes me a little nervous because they can sometimes be a little...extreme. This guy, however, he was good. I enjoyed the message he presented today. Some of his points included Jesus is angered by "religious people," people who put religion before others. We've all seen them or know some. These are the individuals who feel that because they are "religious" that others are beneath them, not worth of their attention or time. These are the people who put religion ahead of the needs of their fellow man. The example given was this: you're on your way to church and you are so close to being late and rushed. You pass someone along the side of the road who needs help. Do you stop and be late for church? If you don't, you're giving up the chance to tell someone about Jesus and help your fellow man, all for what? To be on time to 'worship' God.

 

Throughout the Bible, Jesus is referred to as our best friend and biggest supporter. He is always there and always supporting us in our endeavors. We on the other hand are not good friends to Jesus. We are more likely to run to him when things are bad, we cancel our plans with Him, we have priorities above him, etc.

 

He also nailed on child abuse. That harming His children angers him, as written in Matthew 18:6- "If anyone causes one of these little ones-those who believe in me-to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the worlk because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!" To abuse a child is truly causing harm to God's truest and most innocent children.

 

We also talked about Abraham being a great father. Many people think he was an awful father because he was actually going to sacrifice his only son, his future, his prodigy. I, however, think Abraham is the person who comes the closest to understanding the true sacrifice that God made on Calvary Hill, giving His only son to pay for our sins.

 

The last big bulletin his was the wrath of the Father. A person who loves their children will become angry when someone harms or dangers their children. They also become disappointed when they make the wrong choices because they can see the potential for the child's life. I wouldn't want a happy-go-lucky God. I want a just God who will protect me from harm and can make the hard decisions. I want a God who knows my best interest, not just my worldly desires. I want my God to be able to pass harsh judgement on those who need it. I thank Him though, that His son died on that cross so that I can be His child no matter how many times I screwed up. I am so thankful that He can forgive me and love me with repentence and faith.