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My Medical Adventures

In 2010, I married my DH (dear husband.) Prior to this, my medical problems were contributed to other random coincidences (familial arthritis, exercise-induced asthma, etc.) Shortly after getting married, I went off BC and went with “all in God's timing.” Well after two years, God's timing wasn't coming along and neither was ours. So I started seeing my regular OB/GYN for these issues. I had several tests and there were never any clear results. Some bloodwork showed PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome.) Basically it's an overproduction of eggs that don't grow big enough to become viable. This was shown through various levels of hormones that were outside normal range. All the mid-cycle ultrasounds looked good though. So we went with metformin and clomid for a while.

Fast forward to almost 2 years ago. I was moving furniture to clean the backs of the dressers and entertainment center (very dusty and gross!!) After moving them, I got this crazy rush of pain in my forehead and nearly passed out. I just thought I had over-strained and maybe pulled something. I didn't think much about it. I started getting pretty significant migraines that were attributed to eye strain and stress from my job. I got glasses (DH says I was nearly blind---it was pretty bad!) The migraines got better, but were still occurring 2-3 times a week. I asked my family doctor about them and we tried several different things over a few months (different medications.) The only thing that ever has worked was Imitrex for migraines after the fact-no prevention. So she ordered an MRI. The MRI was completed in March of 2013 by our lovely local hospital. It came back as normal with only mild sinusitis.

From that point, I started getting these crazy sharp pains in my forehead any time I strained. At first it was just with heavy strain-lifting, pushing, pulling, etc. They then began getting more frequent and happened when I coughed, laughed, sneezed, stretched, etc. So at another regular visit to my family doctor we continued talking about these sharp pains. She had no ideas so she referred me to the neurologist....also at the lovely local hospital. The neurologist met with me about 3 months later. She said she was a little concerned with the initial MRI (done a year ago at this point) because of a significant bend in my brain stem. She was baffled and promised to research it a little and prescribed Elavil for sleep-because I clearly have trouble getting tired and sleeping normal. I went back after a month and I am pretty sure she had forgotten about me and we did the same thing all over again-as if she thought a month would solve my problems on their own. So we then went another month and she decided to do an MRA to check for aneurisms and blood flow. This came back normal. So another two months because of course we had to wait for insurance to approve it. She then did a little research (with me in the room on the internet---webMD much!?) So then we went for a CSF flow study via X-Ray and CT scan. This was AWFUL. I was placed face down on a metal table, strapped my ankles down, numbed the small of my back and then placed a needle into my spinal column to inject dye. I had to lie on my stomach but kink my neck at a 90* angle to prevent the dye from going to my brain. They then did a number of X-Ray's and the CT scan. Afterwards, I was sent home and rested when I had some pretty significant pain like two days later-thankfully my family doctor gave me a Rx for Tramadol for pain.

At this point I notice through different approaches a number of other symptoms. I have the balance/coordination of a 1 year old-I trip, stumble, wobble, etc. all the time. I cannot walk in a straight line. I have a “thrumming” in my left hear that coincides with my heartbeat and when I press on my carotid artery, I can hear the blood whistle through the artery. I have short-term memory lapses. I can't remember anything past 24 hours or so unless it was substantially out of the ordinary and even then it is kind of fuzzy. I have a loss in judgment, sometimes it's hard for me to tell how far away something is-50 feet looks the same as 500 feet. I have less hand strength and fine motor skills. I am unable to pickup small things from a flat surface. I sometimes get confused and forget what I'm doing mid-way through it (walking into a room, mid-sentence and I can't remember what I'm talking about, etc.) I get easily choked, especially on fluids-including my own saliva. And oh the pains. They are so frequent that they occur probably 20-50 times a day and are worse when I am more active. They happen when I laugh, cough, sneeze, yawn, stretch, strain, exert, etc. in any form. They only last a few seconds but the pain is so crazily intense that I cannot move, talk, anything. The more frequent they happen, the more likely I am to have a migraine at the end of the day.

So with my slew of symptoms and complaints, my lovely local hospital neurologist decides to send me to Ohio State University Neurology. I meet with them a few more months later. They are a teaching hospital so at first I meet with the student doctor guy and then the actual doctor. They do ((what I have found is the normal)) neurological test of reflexes, walking, etc. After only meeting with me for 15-20 minutes and looking at the MRI completed by my lovely local hospital-they are fairly certain of the cause. They just said “low-lying cerebellar tonsils.” and order another MRI as well as an MRI of my auditory canal because of the thrumming sound. They also refer me to a neurosurgeon because they deal with the condition far more and want to get their opinion. Note, at this point surgery is not even mentioned-so we think more of a consultation type thing.

I have the two MRI's completed at OSU (on a SUNDAY!) Then the neurosurgeon agrees to take me on as a patient. The surgeon is actually a director of the neurosurgery department at the hospital. I meet with his student doctor first and he mentions surgery- Posterior Fossa Decompression surgery for the official diagnosis of Arnold-Chiari Malformation. At this point I had also done my own research. The diagnosis is given with the cerebellum or cerebellar tonsils (the little brain that sits in your skull above the neck in the back-think of the “nape” of your neck and that little dip where hair grows like a tail) lie below the foramen magnum (on an MRI, they draw an imaginary line where the spinal column starts.) It's a fairly common malformation and not always medically necessary to treat. Many people's lie within 3-5mm below this line. According to the OSU MRI, mine are almost 10mm below this line.

The OSY MRI also included a CSF flow study which showed limited CSF flow in the back part of the canal and possibly limited mildly in the front. The neurosurgeon explained it as when I strain, the muscles in my head and neck press in on my neck and down on my brain causing these tonsils to completely block the CSF flow. This causes a buildup of pressure within my brain. So the actual neurosurgeon agreed with the student doctor and recommended surgery.

The surgery itself is explained like this: a 4-5” area is shaved at the base of my head/neck, in a 2” wide path. (Like they just mow down a streak of hair!) They then make an incision in the skin and push the muscle away instead of cutting through it. Then a small section of the skull bone is removed. They cut into the sac that contains the cerebellum (dura) and place a patch of dermis. This is like adding a patch to pants that are too small to make them bigger. If necessary, they shave off a portion of the top cervical vertebrae. Then they place a titanium mesh plate where the skull bone used to be and stitch everything up. It is a 3-4 hour procedure. Then there will be 2-3 days in the hospital followed by at least 4 weeks at home recovery. The recover can be painful due to the stretching of the muscle and it being tender and tight. They will prescribe medication to aid in the pain which is scary because most medication completely wind me up.

So my surgery is scheduled for October 24^th. My doctor is going on vacation the week before, so he should be well rested! I know that a lot of my family and friends are concerned, but I am so excited. The surgeon said this should resolve the mega intense pains I get throughout the day so I will be thrilled with just that! I look forward to being able to laugh again! I also will be pampered at home by my husband who has taken two weeks off and my mother who will be staying for at least a month. That's not to mention the rest of the family and church family that I am hoping will keep me (and them) sane over this time!

I am hoping to keep up with this blog over the course of the next few months so that not only will it remain a resource for others, but also a nice little diary of this journey. Keep ya posted y'all! 

5 Pages of Thoughts on Media... :D

Sometimes we must leave the well-beaten path and forge our own thoughts, standings, and opinions on topics that swirl around us. While I admit that I am a sheep-only in the sense of the sheep belonging to and following the shepherd. I am not a sheep to social media, the news, or any other information portal which portrays the views of the world. I, in this situation am an open-minded, intelligent, naive, independent thinking citizen. Luckily for me men and women have died for me to have this privilege. It is not a right, it is not standard, it is not universal. It is a privilege that American citizens are given. We are afforded the opportunity to choose our religion-and then participate in it, despite being under attack for being religious at all. The simple act of getting up and going to church is taken for granted so frequently that people often view it as a chore or unwelcome commitment. I am guilty of grudgingly rolling out of bed on Sunday morning (all mornings for that fact) slapping on my church clothes and dragging my hiney to the car. I shouldn't be! I should be incredibly thankful that I am allowed to do this without fear of being killed for going. ((Sadly, this is not the direction I am going... more on this later though!))

I am not a sheep of this world. I am not a sheep to the news, the media, the society, the culture, etc. I am me. I am free to be me. And this is what I think...

Our society as a whole are becoming brainwashed moguls who have very little true concept of reality. Sure, I frequently look for the good and positive in everything, but I understand that everything isn't flowery and rosey. I fear that our society is, at least initially, believing everything they see, read, and hear. It is sad but more-so, it is terrifying! With all that goes on in the world, outside our confines of comfort, we have to be alert to the liars, the sneaks, the stirrers, and the infidels. Everything you read in a newspaper, magazine, website, Facebook, etc.-be skeptical! None of these places are required to tell you the truth about anything. They may claim they provide researched topics and support for the information, but how many people actually ask for it? My guess-zero!

With this post, I am not saying there aren't terrible things happening in the world-because there most definitely are. I am more questioning the timing and references of said terrible things. For instance, (I'm going political/religious here) the...happenings...in the middle east. We are being flooded with horrible pictures and stories of massacred families, women, children, and infants. We are being told of the awful conditions in which one group of human beings are attacking another group. I'm not saying these things aren't happening-I am certain they are. What I want to point out is that they have BEEN happening for a very long time now. There has only been an idealogy of peace in the middle east, there has never been peace the way we think of or see it. Men, women, and children have been persecuted for their faith for a great, many, hundreds of years. They have been made examples of for being Christian in a Muslim world, Muslim in a Hindu world, Buddhist in an Atheist world. It doesn't matter which religion is attacking the other-simply stated, there has been turbulence in the area for centuries. My question is why now? Why now is the mass media making it known? Why now are we seeing and hearing the horror stories when it's happened for so long with so little attention? I don't believe for a second that no one noticed, no one alerted the media, no one shouted it from the mountain top. If you dig, you can find it-but it was never made into a “hot-spot” for the media, never made the headlines. So, why now?

I, as always, will search for ulterior motives. I don't believe that the government (ours and others') has no part of the media. I believe as with everything else, they have their hands in this honey pot too. So again, why now? With just recently pulling troops out of a war-torn, killing machine, oil rich country, why now are we back staring into the faces of the middle east? It certainly isn't because there isn't news elsewhere. It isn't because that's what we all want to see. So why now, is the media presenting this to us on a silver platter over, and over, and over?

And as always, I have an opinion. I am blessed to live in a free country where I may express my opinions. If yours do not align, you disagree, or are otherwise differing, please, feel free to write about (preferably on your own page, under your own name, and utilizing only your own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.) I believe that there is a reason for the media now presenting the horrible situations there. We recently pulled troops from Iraq, although I do not believe it was ALL of them. With having no troops there, no connections inside, our political leaders have essentially had their hand pulled from the honey pot. While I don't believe that oil is the ONLY reason to be involved, I believe it holds a very high key to it.

Our American society is so advanced that we can cook a pie in under 2 minutes, we can grow vegetables in buildings, we can fly massive cargo planes over continents and oceans. We can ((reportedly-:) )) put a man on the moon! Yet through all of this, we cannot come up with a sustainable resource to utilize for transportation? Seriously!? Gasoline is practically the only thing that we have used in the same ways over the last century. We have made some other uses for it too, but it essentially has the same function-running motors. For a century, we have become dependent on other countries' natural resources. We have relied on friendly exchanges and sales. Frankly, I think the political party is tired of relying on other nations for something so vital to their own economy. The word economy is very nearly always placed along side some reference to the price of gasoline and oil. We are led to believe that the fallout of the economy is due to the rising price of oil coming in from other countries. So what better way (sarcasm to follow) to increase the economy than to reach into the honeypot and take it for ourselves? Again, sarcasm. I don't believe that the economy is tied to oil, not entirely at least, as we've been led to believe by the wording and order of articles and newscasts.

I believe that the fall in the economy is due to exportation of jobs. I don't mean closing down one plant in southern Virginia and moving it to Louisiana. I don't mean relocation of plants, manufacturing, warehouse, and other type employment throughout the states. What I mean is the relocation of said facilities to outside the United States, employing that countries population to make good strictly for American citizens. I, for example, feel that Wal-Mart has the ability to end the recession (yes, we are still in a recession-in my opinion.)Currently, we are at the unemployment rate which we were in when the current recession began in 2008. If large-chain stores like Wal-Mart, Meijer, Target, etc. employed and purchased goods made mainly in the United States, employment, wages, income, etc. would increase. I also think the government could aid in this by “encouraging” stores to buy, sell, and employ American made, or at least North American made (to incorporate the NAFTA.) So many items we buy now are made in China, Japan, Vietnam, Taiwan, etc. that it is actually rare to find Mexican or Canadian made, and exceptional to find American made. If you think about it, how are we expected to thrive? We (as a nation) live off the goods, supplies, and textiles from other countries but are the “ultimate” consumer. That trend can only continue for a period of time at which point, it will collapse. We produce hardly anything we consume, we manufacture very little, yet we purchase and use all the things made elsewhere. Put in simple terms it doesn't make sense. Sure there are other professions-doctors, lawyers, etc. but even still-their books, medicines, etc. are produced elsewhere and these are very limited fields. They are strict and if there is a huge influx of people in these professions, the “ideology” of them would decrease causing them to become as routine as a city worker, teacher, etc.

Wow, I don't know how this got so far away, but that's just how I roll. Yes-I think for myself. Yes, I believe that the government has ulterior motives for streaming media to us at a certain time regarding a certain place. Otherwise we would have a stream of information available throughout time and we wouldn't be “surprised” at the turn of events. Stop taking everything said, written, or expressed as fact. Think for yourselves and question that which goes on around you. Be a sheep to the Lord, but an individual to society... Whew.

Fear of Hell is NOT a Plan for Success.

Not sure that header is worded quite the way I want to express what's on my mind. With the topic of suicide floating about with the death of actor Robin Williams, I am seeing several comments on the fact that suicide is a sin. It's likely unforgivable, at least as far as our earthly bodies are considered-there is no way to seek forgiveness and repent. It is the final sin. Beyond that, I've already commented on the fact that I, as a Christian, feel responsible for an individual when they end their life because we, as a whole, did not do as we were asked in this instance. The Bible instructs us to love one another as He loved the church. In instances of suicide, I don't believe that we loved them like He did the church. We can play the blame game-circumstance, demons, drugs, past, etc. but it all boils down to them seeking the ultimate fulfillment, whether they know it or not, God. In instances of suicide, I feel as though I have let them down because I didn't show them the love that He has showed to me. I feel as though I wasn't “Jesus to the least of them.”

Moving beyond that, for a great deal of the population and a vast majority of the Christian population, the biggest detraction from suicide is that it is an ultimate sin that will result in an eternity in Hell. Getting this straight first thing-yes, I agree with this statement. I believe that the result of suicide will be an eternity in the depths of the deepest, darkest pits. Of course, there is a but. BUT, as human creatures, I don't think that fear of Hell should be a reason to do or not do anything. Love for our Father and Creator, as well as fearing him, is a reason, but to fear the consequence is almost an abstract thought.

I will compare us to children (in essence, that's what we all are anyways.) When raising children, we train them by consequence. The child will commit an action with either good or bad consequences. They will either be praised for their work or punished. In the largest sense of the meaning, punishment is intended to alter behavior, receive a different result, and educate a child on appropriate behavior. As a child, if I talked back, I would get spanked. If I cursed, my mouth was washed out with soap. If I was out past curfew, I was grounded, and so it goes on. As a parent, I am certain that my parents had no intent to continue punishment through adulthood and beyond. The negative consequences of my actions were meant to deter me from said action to take a different approach.

In the years between those “molding” years and early adulthood, I pray that our children have learned the deeper meaning to why those actions were negative. The consequence as an adult is ((hopefully)) far different than that of a child. If I curse at someone, it causes them pain and sadness, it is hurtful, demeaning, and un-Godly. I can also never take back what I have said to someone. The consequences as a child taught me to think before I speak and then to speak carefully to not cause unintentional pain. As a child, I didn't want to curse because my mouth would have soap put in it, which was greatly unwanted! As an adult, I don't want to cause pain, sadness, or otherwise inflict unintentional harm. The consequence as a child no longer applies once an individual has grasped the true deterrent to the action.

The same is true in terms of appropriate, acceptable, “good” behavior. As children, we seek validation, praise, and on occasion a reward. The difference is that this sustains through adulthood. When we work hard, we earn more. When we are kind, others return the kindness (the majority of times.) When we give greatly, we receive abundantly, and on and on it goes. We are no longer rewarded with candy and hugs, but rather in finances, love, friendship, material things, and other emotional/heartfelt things. I don't get rewarded for cleaning my room anymore, but I do get rewarded for donating my unused goods and welcoming others into my home.

I feel as though the same applies to the fear of going to Hell. I know in the depths of my heart that I am not deserving of the Heaven that God created for me. I let him down regularly and that does cause me great sadness. I am unworthy-yet he still loves me! He sent Jesus Christ to pay for my sins so that I can live with Him in Heaven. I don't do good because of the fear of Hell. I do good for the hopes of going to Heaven. I do good for the love of my Father. I do good because I want to be Jesus to the least of them. I want to show everyone the light and walk the walk to show how much love He has for them. I want to tell the world that when you don't think anyone else cares, He does.... And so do I. I may not know you, but I have a love for you that is a love that comes from sharing a creator. I have a sister's love for each and every person. And I am greatly saddened that some people never feel the love of God. For that, I feel responsible. I know that I wouldn't know God's love without His children showing me and leading me to Him. I feel great sadness that even one of His children didn't share the love or sincere caring to these people.

It's not about feeling good about yourself, even though it does happen when we freely give. It's not about monetary or physical gain. It's not about fame, friends, family or anything else. It always boils down to one thing and one thing alone. Love. Love for God, our Father, our mighty Creator. Love for His creations-especially His children. Love for mankind. Love for humanity and everything within the bounds of our universe. It always comes down to Love. Simply Love. L-O-V-E. Love.

To Forgive or To Be Forgiven... Yes Please!

My momma kindly informed me that my posts get a little.....lengthy when I haven't “let it out” for a few days. I will try to correct that, not that it will ACTUALLY make them any shorter... But please, feel free to stop reading, this is more for me than you and more for expression than interpretation anyways. Social media is a great way to get out your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and everything else too. Of course I don't mean drama, bullying, he said/she said, all that teenage stuff... So here goes today...

Tonight I am thinking about forgiveness. For some reason (literally, Lord knows!) forgiveness has come into my mind so often over the past few days. It is such an integral part of our daily life and being a true, loving Christian. I don't think we notice how often we forgive or begrudge in our everyday lives. Whether it is driving down the road and someone pulls out in front of us, standing in line at the grocery store and someone cuts, or even someone forgetting to return your call. We always have the option to forgive. Sometimes we hold on to the anger and grudge for far too long-holding onto it at all is too long. Other things we find so many reasons to hold on. Whether it is pride, anger, resentment, offense, etc. there is no reason good enough to hold onto it.

I see this example taken so much further in families. One person offends a family member (mother/child, sibling/sibling, etc.) and then one or both holds onto it for years, frequently forgetting why it ever started. The age old example is the “Hatfield's” and “McCoy's.” We've all heard they were a dueling family but never really know why. From my stance, the why is not now nor ever was truly important. The greatest, grandest, largest offenses deserve forgiveness. No matter how cruel, mean, or ruthless the other party was, refusing forgiveness hurts you more than anyone else. Refusing to give forgiveness is painful, energy required, and just torture on the soul. We are made and meant to be forgiving and forgiven.

Taking example from God, we see the ultimate forgiveness. We offend our Father and creator every day. We know His love, his requests for us, and everyday we offend him. We are rarely in line with everything he asks of us, yet his love and forgiveness never waivers. He constantly forgives us without hesitation. Because of Jesus Christ, we are freely forgiven and guided into grace. We are given chance after chance to prove ourselves and our love for him. We are allowed to repent and try again. The greatest love, greatest example for us is unconditional.. Yet in our everyday lives we choose to ignore forgiveness in light of success and pride. I'd like to embrace forgiveness and rebuild bridges. I'd like to show love, support, and forgiveness to my enemies and truly mean it. Let's repair relationships and move past the grudges. Let's embrace unconditional love. Let's follow THE great example.

It's Official...

It is official. I scheduled my surgery today for October 24^th, 2014. I go for pre-op testing and consent for treatment on the 6^th of October. I am currently thinking over whether or not I want to seek legal counsel regarding Holzer mis-reading my original MRI. Had I been diagnosed and treated last year, I wouldn't have the memory loss, balance problems, and fine motor skill decrease. I would have had this surgery a year ago and been back to normal. Instead, the MRI was read as normal with no abnormalities other than some sinusitis. According to the surgeon at OSU, it is clearly an abnormal MRI and I have more like significant sinus damage and scarring. I'd hate paying for something they screwed up. I mean if I get shoes only to get them home and they're wrong, I take them back! Or if the waitress brings the wrong food, you send it back. I don't know though, it would be a hassle in the middle of all this.

I was a little nervous about making the appointment because it makes it a little more real and concrete. It's not just an indefinite thing anymore. I actually have a date and goal in sight. I am actually pretty excited that my mom will be staying with me a little. I have found that I love having house guests. Although I will probably be mindless for a while, it's always nice to have mommy there! And I am sure that J will need a break from me!

Now just to get through the next two months! I am somewhat certain that it will go by very quickly and will be crazy full. I'm going to try to get a little done every day to prepare. I realize that I don't NEED to do anything to be “ready.” But there are some things I would like to do beforehand. For instance, I want to get the back bedrooms straightened up and somewhat habitable. I want to clean up the craft room some perhaps later in my recovery I can go in there and do some little things. I want to just have things ready so that others here don't have to worry about it. Maybe I should make a list. So then I can lose the list. Then I can spend time looking for the list before making a new list to lose again. Yep, that's how I roll.

I think the last couple weeks are catching up to me. I am exhausted today and I pray it's just from being busy last week. I am hoping that this doesn't become the new norm. I can't function being this tired everyday, all day. Here's to a good night's sleep and a spunky day tomorrow!!

On a side note, I am sad that I missed my class' 10 year reunion. It was last Saturday but I was just so exhausted I couldn't force myself to go to the store let alone anywhere else. From the looks of it, everyone had a great time though. It was nice to at least see pictures. It reminds me of something our principal, Mr. Edwards said at our high school graduation. He said, “look around at all your classmates. This is the LAST time you will all be in the same place at the same time together.” And that has rung true. Many of us are friends on Facebook and keep up that way, but it's not the same. It'll never be the same. I wish deep down that I had truly treasured those moments. I wish that I had lived the moments to the fullest and not wished a single day away. Instead, I was so focused on the “future,” never realizing that each passing day, the future was becoming the present and the present was ever fleeting. I don't think anyone can ever tell you in a way that you understand to enjoy every moment until they are gone and you can only look back and reminisce.

I am highly anticipating next weekend, for various reasons that I can't yet mention. We have plans with my parents to celebrate their 40^th wedding anniversary. I know it's not 25 or 50, but I think it's a HUGE ordeal. I am hoping that they enjoy everything that we have planned and it goes as I think/hope it will.

Well, I pray that all of you out there in cyber-ville sleep well and enjoy your Thursday. It's the “almost Friday” day, but it is one to cherish all on its own. Every moment is worth reveling in and everyday worth being thankful for. Good or bad, you were blessed to endure it and look at the beauties of the world.

Yet Another Day

Today was a different sort of day. I seem to have a new perspective on things with the idea of surgery lingering. The day went by quicker and I didn't get nearly as stressed by the “pop-ups” in my day (they are exactly what you'd imagine-little things that pop up requiring your attention that you hadn't initially planned. I did however, miss lunch so when I got home, a big bowl of leftover spaghetti really hit the spot! This whole not being able to eat breakfast (it makes me nauseous,) skipping lunch, and having a big ole dinner seems to have aided in losing almost 10 pounds in the past month. Anyways, we then went down to J's parent's to get some of his grandma and grandpa's things out of the old barn. J's cousin who had bought the property and built a house sold it and is moving out so we went down and got some of the grandparent's things. I think it was saddening for J and his mom. It's kind of like the last remaining remnants of what used to be. But we got several “treasures” that have probably no monetary value but great sentimental value. I plan to repurpose some of the items in the house (ladder for a blanket rack, window for picture frame, glass bulb hanging light for a solar porch light.)

I think all the “pickin'” was a little much for me though. I had several bursts of pain while there that have since resulted in a migraine. Lots of bending over and looking up caused them. The sensation is incredibly intense. It's like a million knives being thrown at the front of your brain. I am so excited to not have these issues anymore!

I did attempt to schedule the surgery this morning. I called was transferred from scheduling to the surgery scheduling person. She looked up my information but there were no orders yet. Because we were talking it over & thinking about it, the doctor was waiting to fill out the orders for the surgery. So I will have to wait until they get the orders and call back-or I will just call back later this week to check. I know they aren't Holzer but I feel like that's what a person has to do to get anything done. I did read the MRI report for my auditory canal (I can hear my pulsing heart beat in my ear.) It said that I do have an excess of CSF around the canal and some boney something or the other that may be dehesion or something like that, but should be discussed as relating to CM symptoms.

So I know I am closer than yesterday, but I'd really like to get this done with and feel human again! I am, however, dreading not being able to wash my hair for up to two weeks---GROSS!

Neurosurgery and Faith

So it's been quite some time since I have updated my good little blog here. My last personal health related post left you after my appointment with the OSU Neurologist. I completed the MRI of CSF flow and auditory canal and the neurosurgeon took my case. His name is Dr. Prevadello and he is the director at OSU Neurosurgery. I met with him this past Tuesday amid a visit from the Florida Kelleys. The visit with family was a great visit but far too short. The good doc at OSU discussed the results of my scans and symptoms/problems I am having. I will try to get it all in there.

First-my symptoms because I will mention them frequently. When I strain-lifting, moving quickly, reaching, laughing, coughing, etc. I get a severe blinding pain in the front of my head. It is a short burst that lasts 5-20 seconds and then is gone as quickly as it came. Over the past several years, I have become clumsy, unbalanced, tripped, fell, stumbled relentlessly. I have the strength in my hands of a 70 year old woman-I can't open jars, pill bottles, hold small items, etc. In the past few months I have lost much of my short term memory. It's is straining to remember anything prior to 24-46 hours. I can't remember what I did two days ago!

The Chiari Malformation diagnosis was confirmed. Chiari Malformation is the descent of cerebral tonsils lying below the imaginary line drawn from the base of the skull to the rear of the spinal column. CM I is diagnosed as lying 5mm below this line. Mine currently lie 9.8mm below. Many people have asymptomatic Chiari Malformation or only have mild headaches or migraines. They frequently only require observation. The surgeon attributed all of my symptoms to the malformation (sharp sudden pains in my head, decreased balance and coordination, loss of memory skills and fine motor skills, weakening of the hands/fingers, dizziness, etc.) The symptoms are attributed to the low-lying cerebellar tonsils. When I strain, they are pressed down over the opening of the spinal column blocking the flow of CSF (cerebral spinal fluid.) The CSF flow is already limited prior to straining, but after it causes almost a complete blockage. This essentially causes a buildup of CSF in my brain/spinal cord suffocating my brain. I am NOT one of the asymptomatic people.

The surgeon recommends surgery but gave me an outlook for either way. Without surgery, my symptoms are likely to progress at a rather speedy rate as all of the current symptoms have developed and increased in frequency over only two years. With the severity of the drop of the tonsils and the progression of symptoms, they will likely continue to progress and worsen. He said eventually I would develop Parkinson's-type symptoms: loss of fine motor skill/control, severely decreased balance/coordination, increase in sharp head pains, increased loss of memory, and loss of reflexes. Again, this is NOT the typical prognosis for people with CM I diagnosis. So if you are reading this and have or think you have, don't go 0-60 on me here. He said symptomatic CM I is rare.

The surgery that would be completed is called Chiari Decompression surgery. It entails general anesthesia and a breathing tube (as usual.) Then I would be placed face-down on the table and have 3 pins inserted into my skin around my skull to hold my head still. They would then shave an area approximately 1” wide and 4” long from the base of my skull to my neck. The surgeon would then make an incision approximately 3-4” long in the same area. They will move the muscle in the area (as opposed to cutting through it.) They will then remove a small section of skull at the bottom area. Then the surgery goes more into what the surgeon deems necessary. He will look at the top spinal vertebrae and the cerebellar sac. He may remove the back half of the vertebrae. He may also open the little sac that surrounds the cerebellum, place a patch to enlarge the sac, then close everything back up. The surgery will be from 3-4 hours long, 2-3 days in the hospital, and at least 3-4 weeks recovery. The risks involved mainly surround the general anesthesia and risk associated with it. Activity will be limited especially the first few weeks. I will be unable to do laundry, sweep, drive, clean, or any other activity that requires bending, turning, straining, or lifting. I will be unable to drive until I regain most of my neck rotation.

With the surgery, the likeliness that my symptoms will resolve is very good. He stated that the head pains are likely to reside completely. The other symptoms including coordination, memory, and motor skills will likely return to normal due to my age but may time some time to basically re-learn them. He said that my structure and anatomy are ideal for the procedure. He stated that it's not a “life-saving”surgery but more about the quality of life. CM I doesn't generally result in death with the exception of incredibly severe cases, which are literally a handful. However, it will aid in my ability, agility, and quality of life. ((I WILL BE ABLE TO LAUGH AGAIN!!!!!))

After praying, talking, discussing, and thinking about the options, we have elected to go ahead with the surgery. I will be calling in the morning to schedule. We will be aiming for late October/early November. We want to keep the surgery in the same calendar year for insurance reasons-we have already met our almost $6,000 deductible this year! I would like to be mobile and feeling a little better by the holidays. I also want to save up at least a little leave time to help us out financially while I am off on leave. While I am concerned with the surgery itself, I'm also concerned about being off work for so long. After 4 weeks, I can draw short-term disability at 65% of my current earnings which will help, but it still is a concern. I will have family to stay with me and of course my faithful hubby. Mom has stated she IS staying with me for a while. And I have so many friends and loved ones that I am certain will be available.

I know it is a big deal and cause for concern. From my perspective though, excluding the financial and recovery restraints, I am relieved. For almost two years I've had health care professionals dismiss and avoid my symptoms. They looked at me like a drug-seeker crazy lady. People didn't understand why I stopped laughing freely. It was nearly impossible to explain my symptoms to people. Then it began interfering with my job and nearly cost it. I am incredibly blessed to have a work-family that actually believed my nearly unbelievable problems. I mean seriously, who looks at a relatively health 28 year old and says “yep, I believe she has memory loss.”Walking in public, I often look drunk because I walk into whoever I am with, cars, walls, doors, etc. For me, this is an end in sight. I want to laugh freely again. I want to remember what I did yesterday without having to journal and write it all down throughout the day. I want to put on my shoes without falling over. I want to open a pill bottle or pickle jar. I want to be normal me again!

I know that my family and loved ones are more concerned than I feel at the moment. That may change the closer it comes, but right now I am comfortable with the news and hopeful for the results. I have prayed about it for a long time. I feel that if God wants, He will heal me. But I am also certain that if I am meant to go through this to follow His plan for me, I am all in. I know that He is with me and I am always on His mind. I am excited that He has something in store for me. So it sounds strange that I don't want prayer for healing. I want prayer for strength to follow through with whatever His plan is for me. I think that big ordeals like this are what makes people who they are and changes their direction for His plan. A testimony isn't a testimony without any obstacles. If life has been easy and great forever, we have nothing to share for encouragement. I am confident that if I am not healed, then this is His plan for me and I will walk it with faith. I pray I have support and love from many folks. Prayer is always stronger in numbers. Please pray that I have strength, comfort and wisdom. Please pray for the family that will be walking with me-I think they have it harder than I do! They have to wait anxiously through the surgery while I sleep peacefully. They have to put up with me through the recovery and not beat me in the meantime! So pray for them to have patience, strength, comfort and faith. Please pray for the medical team to have Him with them and guide their hands and minds to be successful and thorough, that they may walk with Him and allow Him in their hearts and minds. Please pray for safe travels and support from all our friends and their families. I know people have it so much worse than I because they don't have the support that I do so I truly feel blessed.

Thank y'all for reading and praying! Prayer really does work and I plan to show y'all in person! I will walk in faith and trust in Him.