A New Husband

Visions and Future...

I am sitting here looking at post-it notes. It's a three pack of “page marker” sticky notes that J picked up at the store this afternoon. I didn't notice until we got home and I was putting away all the items. I looked at him with a strange look (I thought maybe someone slipped them in our cart at the store.) He said, “for my Bible study, to flag pages and passages.” This just made me glow. I know that may seem super weird, but considering where we've been, what we've been through, etc. seeing him grow in Christ is so exciting for me too.

Don't get me wrong, I have loved my husband from the start. He was gentle, kind, loving, and has always treated me like a queen. He was funny and encouraging. We shared a strange sense of humor. I loved who he was then. There were small things that were hard for me to swallow. He didn't have a great deal of patience (I have a ridiculous amount of patience.) He would get frustrated with people for doing things differently, not sharing similar views, etc. He had HORRID road rage. We never fought, but we would disagree. He would get upset when I would give “scenarios” of why someone was driving slowly, what had made someone react that way, etc. in order to show why patience was necessary. I think this frustrated him a great deal at the time. It was my passive way of telling him to cool his jets. He was, well, wishy-washy about faith. He believed in God but didn't have a personal relationship with him.

I've not always went to church, practiced what I believed, or lived a Christ-like life, but I've always had a relationship with God, even when I was red-mad at him. I prayed for a change in the anger and hurt in his heart. I prayed that God would touch him and that He would show me how to help J get there. We tried out several churches over the years, but never felt at home there. We went to a couple Methodist churches because I grew up in a Methodist church. I'd been to a United Brethren church, a Christ in Christian Union church, a full gospel church, and several others. He had went to a Baptist church for a while as a youngster. We never found a home at church. We'd even went to the church we go to now once or twice before but felt like outcasts.

One week, we'd been through a lot. We had been try to get pregnant for about a year and a half. ((TMI to follow..)) I have yearly pap/pelvic exams and they usually come back abnormal the first time so then I have to have a biopsy that is more invasive and painful. I had went to the biopsy and bled like a stuck pig. The doctor actually made me lie and wait while she wiped it up because she was worried it would freak me out. She said she only ever sees that kind of bleeding in women who are pregnant so she felt that there was a good chance I was a few days pregnant. So we were worried about the results of the biopsy while being cautiously optimistic about pregnancy. We were on the way home and he said “we really should go to church Sunday.” Well, Saturday night, I asked him where he wanted to go. He was a little taken aback and we decided on going to his Uncle Jack and Aunt Kay's church. For some reason, this time was different. This time was right. This time we felt comfortable and at home.

The change I saw in my husband in that service was-incredible, unbelievable, unexplainable. It was like he suddenly saw the world in a whole new light. I saw tears in his eyes that weren't tears of sadness. He finally FELT God in his heart. He knew that God was there and he knew that Jesus was what kept him going. On the way home, he was an abundance of child-like questions. I say this in an endearing way. We talked for days about God, Jesus, and the Bible. We went to church that Wednesday too.

In the time since, he has lost his knack for the anger and grudges. He has found forgiveness and peace. He is a different man than the one I married, but I love him just the same, but 5 years more than I did then. Knowing that he was a new man and the change in our marriage was nothing short of Godly. We have grown together and TRULY became one heart. We talk about compassion, love, patience, Jesus, eternity, and all the other wonderful things that we know in God. He no longer has a heart full of anger. Hearing his prayers, watching him bow his head in reverence, seeing him sing, watching him cry tears of joy for our Lord is the most miraculous thing I have ever seen.

You always read where people get divorced because the spouse “changed.” To be married and expect no change in the person is an incredibly flawed idea. Unless one never wants to mature past the age they were married or adapt to new life experiences, they should expect change. The important part of change is changing together and walking through change in honest communication.

Post-it notes. Just makes me ponder on the love I have for the new man that I have been given as a partner in this life and prayerfully the next. He's seeing the world through Christ's eyes. He's praying before meals. He's excited about Christmas. He's reading and studying the bible. He's a Godly man. He's my husband. I am abundantly and unimaginably blessed. I don't feel as though I have done anything to deserve such greatness, but I will not question His work, only praise Him for it. I will praise Him in the good. I will praise Him in the bad. I will praise Him all the days of my life.

My Message to Myself 10 years ago...

To all the folks in their late teens and early-mid twenties, I want to issue some short-aged advice, for what it's worth, and I wish I had heard it earlier. As an adult, which with any luck and prayer, you will soon be, you will learn so many hard lessons that no one can really “tell” you. So I guess this is all really pointless, but it will make me feel better.

Point in short: You don't have all the time in the world. So many stories and articles are telling young men and women to take their time, don't rush into life, don't hurry and grow up, etc. There is an ounce of truth to that, for me at least. It's nice to reminisce of the old days when things were easy and responsibilities were limited, but there are so many other things about adult life than just “rough times” and responsibilities. With great responsibilities comes great rewards. Everyone knows that the highest up, guy that has (theoretically) worked hard and bears the greatest weight of a company also generally has the highest wages.

As an adult, our lives shouldn't revolve around money and becoming the highest paid player, but like wages, we find many other great rewards in great accomplishments. People who do great work in charity see the lives of so many change and have a positive influence on them. With great responsibilities comes great reward. Teachers, while often stressed and overwhelmed, change the world 25-30 students at a time, but often make a life-changing impact on several. With great responsibilities comes great rewards. I say this to encourage people.

Don't be scared of growing up. Don't be scared of responsibilities. Growing up is hard sometimes. Sometimes it is scary. Adult life isn't always peachy and easy-street. That doesn't mean there's nothing wonderful about it. Like everything else, the bad always seems to over-shadow the good in the world. An ounce of bad seems to make shadows that weigh a ton. So remember that when you see adults complaining about how they'd love to go back to childhood. We rarely dwell on the good, although we should focus a majority of our attention on the good.

Life is good and there are so many things that are wonderful in adult life. We get to understand and cherish every moment. We get to see life through knowledge and understanding of years of growth. We get to keep the knowledge that we've gained through these times. But we don't have forever, not here anyways.

When you get to a point in your life, you will be “loving life” and not wanting to push forward. Finding yourself is important, but it's also important to find your life and your direction. Dawdling in those “fun” times discourages growth and change. Trust me, you will look back and wish you hadn't “wasted” that time. When you hit 30, you may wish your body hadn't become so used to birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancy but allow for frivolous sexual activity. You may wish this because now your body won't regulate back to being fertile and allowing you to create a family. You may wish that you hadn't wasted time in limited challenging jobs that didn't pay towards your goal and purpose in life. You, at some point, will most likely wish you hadn't “wasted” time back then.

When your family's health starts to fail, you may wish you hadn't spent so long in the “discover yourself” stage of life. So I am your future you, telling the you now that you shouldn't rush into something that hasn't been intended, but be mindful of the future. Be mindful that there is more to life than boys and fun.

Again, this is mostly wasted 'breath' (or rather typing) because those experiences are what will make you who you will become. Without those dawdle experiences, you may not become who you are supposed to, but I still wish I had heard this. At the time, I was hearing all about not hurrying to grow up. I wish I had hurried a little. I wish I had looked up and saw that I had more than just the present, I had a future that was coming at me. 

New Year, New Posts

New Year, New Posts

It is the first of January, 2015. It's that crazy month where no one can be sure what year it is. New Years is the worldwide birthday celebration. On our birthday, we celebrate another year of life that we have managed to survive. On New Years, we celebrate a new calendar year that we survived. The hubby and I managed to do some more un-decorating today. He did the outside stuff and I did the tree (but it is still up, just not decorated.) We also did some cleaning, hoping to do some furniture rearranging this weekend.

Many people take this time to reflect on the future and what they want to change about themselves. People will say they are going to do things: quit smoking, lose weight, find love, be cleaner, spend more time with family, eat healthier, travel more, etc. I think it's less about making outward changes and it's more about inward progress. While the list of do's is a very good and necessary list, on its own, it holds no weight (no pun intended.) Change doesn't happen because of a holiday or an important social concept. Change happens because one is unhappy with their self and resolves to change-inward or outward.

I choose to not make “New Years Resolutions” because they fade away too quickly. By February, most people have forgotten or thrown out their resolutions because they weren't as prominent and as committed as they once thought. Instead, I want to make “personal changes.” Putting them here, I hope will encourage me to make the changes and reflect a year from now to see how I've done.

1. Smile EVERYDAY. If only for a few minutes, even on the worst day, find a reason to smile. Between tears and heartache, find a reason to smile.
2. Encourage someone else at least once a week. Whether it is tell them that you see what they do and appreciate it, or if it's telling a person you believe in them, or showing up for their first public recital, encourage someone.
3. Place God first in every moment, every breath, and every thought. Make an effort to see the world and His children through His eyes.
4. Take one picture every day. Memories last a lifetime, but pictures leave a legacy. Memories cast in pictures last for generations

I would like to add to this list over time, but we'll see. I very well forget I ever even made this list, it's really hard to tell!

Here's to January 2^nd 2015! Oh and then the weekend! 

Be the Good

Facebook-immediate prayer

How wonderful is this day in age?! Every day we have the choice to do good or do bad. Some people are thinking really? No way. There must be some days where it's just “meh” and not good or bad. But each of us has the choice through the internet. We have the choice to spread good and love or to share hate and ignorance.

Just think, asking for one prayer request. You have 400+ friends, minus the ones who have “unfollowed” you (either because you're to spiteful or too stinking happy.) You ask each one for a simple prayer request either for yourself or even more often for someone else. I don't believe in a professional or organized relationship with God. I believe in a personal, friendly, honest relationship with Him. So when scrolling over the news-feed that I have and I see a prayer request, I may not comment but I will speak a prayer to the Lord asking for comfort and strength for each request, then continue scrolling. So just imagine, 400 prayers in a matter of hours! How wonderful is that?!

I know that I have a praying following because I had a “bad” day yesterday and today has been nothing like it. I even managed to make a Christmas gift that I think will truly be cherished. I've had a good day. I know that is because I have people praying for me. So just imagine if we prayed for each other and share only good. Imagine if we shared only our own thoughts and ideas instead of slander, lies, and other people's publishings. It would be beautiful.

So that's my challenge to all my “readers.” Pray for each request on your news feed as you go and each time you see it. Share your own thoughts, opinions, solutions, hopes, and prayer requests. If you have anything negative, make it your own thoughts and opinions. Don't ever share something until you've researched it and made sure it is reputable, and even then it's iffy. Share the positive and encouraging. You may be the inch of sunshine a person needs to get through the day.

Relentless Love

For all my friends struggling this week, I finally found “my” Bible verse. I downloaded a new app that is great-it's called “Prayer Journal” and it includes a journal of prayers, daily devotionals, and read the Bible in a year plan. Well one of them was the following scripture. I thought that some of you girls could use the encouraging words:

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

-Romans 12:9-21

Love always. Never let evil win you over and pull you down. Do not let others encourage you to do evil or seek revenge. Keep in mind that our Lord's revenge is far greater than any evil of which you are capable. Anyone you feel the urge to seek revenge upon, is clearly not worthy of your everlasting life in heaven. 

The objective term becoming subjective

The perspective of “time...”

In the span of the last twenty-four hours, I have decided that time is not a simple objective measurement. Sure, it is “measurable” but it is also incredibly subjective as well. I thought for sure this week would go by so slowly because I am anticipating Friday. Today, however, went by so quickly. I was busy, but no more than normal. It just seemed like 10am-5pm went by in the blink of an eye. So what is it that makes our bodies respond differently time the concept of time? Is it sleep, metabolism, mood, hormones, etc.? Sadly, I don't have the answer. I don't really even have an opinion. I just find it intriguing that such an objective term like “time” can become so subjective. Hmph. 

Just loving people

Dogs have been taken out, doors locked, showered, and all ready for bed... Then it hits me and plays on repeat. So here's tonight's: ((From Garth Brooks' “People Loving People.”

The chorus line goes something like this:
the answer to the problem is/the solution is so simple

People loving people
That's the enemy of everything that's evil

Ain't no quick fix at the end of a needle
It's just people loving people.

It then goes along to talk about where the answer isn't: in words, lies, fear, color, culture, kings/queens, etc. But rather that it starts with a world full of hurting loving one another.

As a Christian I try so hard to love every person I meet. Of course it's insanely difficult to see that ONE person out an about that you just want to roll your eyes and think REALLY!? So many people-Christian and otherwise- sit on a pedestal and peer down at those that haven't found Christ yet and take pity on them. It's not intentional and I don't think all people know they do it. I've been on both sides of the coin. When I was blinded by the blur of life, I never asked for nor wanted pity from anyone. I was happy and life was good... I just didn't know HOW good it could be-so I had nothing to compare it to.

Love is one emotion, one feeling, one expression that translates through all languages, religions, cultures, races, ethnicity, etc. Love should so freely given that we don't even have to try. We shouldn't notice ourselves loving others while in the world. At first it may be a conscious effort, but will quickly become routine.

I have always been a supporter of love. It often comes off as over-trusting, naive, optimistic, etc. but it comes back to love. Yes, a person may have said hurtful things, been cruel to me or my family/friends, or done other less-than-pleasant things-but all is forgiven and I still have a love for them. I may not like them or intentionally put myself in their presence, but I would still love them, give to them, and help them when they needed it.

This is why I rarely mention subjects of politics, religion, or other touchy subjects. When we delve into things that are so controversial, things frequently become intentionally hurtful. Do I think others (politicians for example) can do better at their jobs? Of course! But I also know that not one of us gives 100% every day at work. We are tired, we are stressed, overwhelmed, etc. and that inhibits our efficiency. Until I am placed in their shoes, I will not criticize the work of others based on what I think should be done. Maybe some day, I will run for public office and see how well I do, but probably not.

No matter what the question, the answer is love. If you can't start a “hot-topic” discussion and monitor it consistently to check for honesty, truthfulness, and love, then don't start it. Not everyone is so caring and considerate. I want the readers of my thoughts to know that they are welcome to share ((LOVING & TRUTHFUL)) thoughts without hurting others. It's not wishy-washy or riding the fence. It's making an extraordinary effort to love others.

I have no doubt that in the “big picture” of life, if you live with the purpose of loving others, you will be fully and truly happy. There may be hurtful moments, but loving others will heal the wounds and make you a stronger, more powerful lover.

Lyrics for "People Loving People" by Garth Brooks

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/garthbrooks/peoplelovingpeople.html