The objective term becoming subjective

The perspective of “time...”

In the span of the last twenty-four hours, I have decided that time is not a simple objective measurement. Sure, it is “measurable” but it is also incredibly subjective as well. I thought for sure this week would go by so slowly because I am anticipating Friday. Today, however, went by so quickly. I was busy, but no more than normal. It just seemed like 10am-5pm went by in the blink of an eye. So what is it that makes our bodies respond differently time the concept of time? Is it sleep, metabolism, mood, hormones, etc.? Sadly, I don't have the answer. I don't really even have an opinion. I just find it intriguing that such an objective term like “time” can become so subjective. Hmph. 

Just loving people

Dogs have been taken out, doors locked, showered, and all ready for bed... Then it hits me and plays on repeat. So here's tonight's: ((From Garth Brooks' “People Loving People.”

The chorus line goes something like this:
the answer to the problem is/the solution is so simple

People loving people
That's the enemy of everything that's evil

Ain't no quick fix at the end of a needle
It's just people loving people.

It then goes along to talk about where the answer isn't: in words, lies, fear, color, culture, kings/queens, etc. But rather that it starts with a world full of hurting loving one another.

As a Christian I try so hard to love every person I meet. Of course it's insanely difficult to see that ONE person out an about that you just want to roll your eyes and think REALLY!? So many people-Christian and otherwise- sit on a pedestal and peer down at those that haven't found Christ yet and take pity on them. It's not intentional and I don't think all people know they do it. I've been on both sides of the coin. When I was blinded by the blur of life, I never asked for nor wanted pity from anyone. I was happy and life was good... I just didn't know HOW good it could be-so I had nothing to compare it to.

Love is one emotion, one feeling, one expression that translates through all languages, religions, cultures, races, ethnicity, etc. Love should so freely given that we don't even have to try. We shouldn't notice ourselves loving others while in the world. At first it may be a conscious effort, but will quickly become routine.

I have always been a supporter of love. It often comes off as over-trusting, naive, optimistic, etc. but it comes back to love. Yes, a person may have said hurtful things, been cruel to me or my family/friends, or done other less-than-pleasant things-but all is forgiven and I still have a love for them. I may not like them or intentionally put myself in their presence, but I would still love them, give to them, and help them when they needed it.

This is why I rarely mention subjects of politics, religion, or other touchy subjects. When we delve into things that are so controversial, things frequently become intentionally hurtful. Do I think others (politicians for example) can do better at their jobs? Of course! But I also know that not one of us gives 100% every day at work. We are tired, we are stressed, overwhelmed, etc. and that inhibits our efficiency. Until I am placed in their shoes, I will not criticize the work of others based on what I think should be done. Maybe some day, I will run for public office and see how well I do, but probably not.

No matter what the question, the answer is love. If you can't start a “hot-topic” discussion and monitor it consistently to check for honesty, truthfulness, and love, then don't start it. Not everyone is so caring and considerate. I want the readers of my thoughts to know that they are welcome to share ((LOVING & TRUTHFUL)) thoughts without hurting others. It's not wishy-washy or riding the fence. It's making an extraordinary effort to love others.

I have no doubt that in the “big picture” of life, if you live with the purpose of loving others, you will be fully and truly happy. There may be hurtful moments, but loving others will heal the wounds and make you a stronger, more powerful lover.

Lyrics for "People Loving People" by Garth Brooks

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/garthbrooks/peoplelovingpeople.html  

Spoons and Struggles

I was THIS close to turning off and turning in for the night. Suddenly it starts really raining which immensely relaxes me and lets my mind wander. (OH NO, right!?) I read an article the other day that I thoroughly enjoyed. It is the “spoon” theory for relating to unseen medical conditions, in the example given it is Lupus. However, it relates to many more illnesses than just Lupus, but it is comparable to many other illnesses.

You may look at a person and see a normal, happy, healthy individual. You may see a normal body with healthy features. Some people have visible illnesses, whether it is a skin condition or abrasion, missing or unusable limbs, utilization of mobility aides, deformities, communication problems, etc., the list really is endless. Even these people with “visible” conditions may struggle with far more than what our eyes can see. In a world where we rely so heavily on our vision to aide our routine, we become dependent on what our eyes see and interpret. We know (thanks to the State Farm commercial) that “everything you read on the internet has to be true” because it is a satirical commercial making the statement laughable and untrue. The same is true with how we see and judge those around us. We should be training our brains to learn “everything you see must be right” is an untrue statement.

I know for the most part (withholding my unique quirks like crazy fashion, nail art, strange reasoning, etc.) I look like a normal person without limitation or defect. I also FEEL like a “normal” person for the most part. The things that make me different have become such a part of my everyday life that I no longer realize they are abnormal. Every morning, I have to sit momentarily to wait for the ice-pick pains to reside. Then I have to “carefully” stumble out of bed because I normally feel like I've had about three shots of whiskey or the likes. After about 10-15 minutes, I've regained my equilibrium and can function normally but generally feel like I only slept about 2 hours, regardless of whether it was 6 or 12 or anything in between. This passes after another 15-30 minutes and I can actually start my day. My day goes fairly smoothly without much fuss. Unless of course it is sunny out. Bright sun causes some strain from the eyes and neck, resulting in a migraine by the end of the day. Or if I have to turn from looking back while driving a lot (highway changing lanes, turning into traffic right or left, etc.) Then there are the days that are stressful causing me to clench my teeth, tense my neck, or just be anxious in general that cause frequent ice-pick pains. The more ice-pick pains, the more migraines. This is day in, day out, everyday regardless of work, weekends, etc.

((Ice-pick pains: sharp pains in the forehead feeling similar to what I imagine a small minion using an ice-pick in my brain would feel like. Imagine a short frequent burst of “brain-freeze.” The actual cause is from a blocked flow of cerebral spinal fluid in my posterior fossa at the base of my skull and top of neck. How was that for technical?))

Beyond what feels like normal everyday life, I get to watch my other abilities and skills diminishing. Typing this has taken me twice as long as it would have 2 years ago because I keep missing letters or hitting the wrong key. If I walk through a parking lot, I look like I just left the bar after a long evening of drinking and stagger towards my destination. I walk into walls, doors, objects, etc. usually pretty gracefully. I like to think people don't notice, but I pray some of those around me are a little more perceptive, for their own sake and safety if none else! I have lost so much dexterity that I can barely open a new bottle of pop or packaged candy (where you have to tear open the bag.) I come incredibly close to falling in the shower at least 6 out of 7 times a week. I can't remember the events of two days ago. This seems strange, even for me to say it. I can remember HUGE events...sometimes. I can't oftentimes place when/where something actually happened if I do remember. (Example-I know we had Sonic for dinner this week, but I have no idea what day it was.) I also have little concept of what the date is or how long it takes to get from place to place.

Why does this all matter? Because I struggle with these things EVERYDAY. I struggle with remembering, did I do this yesterday? Have I got it done yet or do I still need to finish it? Can I open this on my own, or will I have to wait for the hubby to get home and rescue his damsel in distress? I have to check and recheck that I've done the necessary tasks for the day? Can I shower without someone home or will I fall and need help? These are the struggles that I personally face everyday that hide beneath a “normal” exterior and a smile upon my face. I keep a positive attitude and outlook because being upset and angry won't change anything. This is the battle that I've been given to walk through and learn from.

I don't share my story for pity or sadness or guilt or any other reason than to encourage people to be open and honest. No matter how we look, act, react, etc., we don't have it all together. No one ever has it completely together. We all have struggles, we all have hurdles, we all have issues. The medical doctor you see who treats you and helps you get well, doesn't have it all together. The police officer who pulls you over to remind you to slow down and follow the rules to protect you, doesn't have it all together. The therapist that helps you deal with your struggles, doesn't have it all together. The dog groomer that loves your pets and treats them so carefully, doesn't have it all together. No one has it all together...ever.

There is an exceptional reason too. Don't be discouraged that you are seeking the “all-together lifestyle” because it quite simply isn't attainable. We cannot have it all until we have Him. We cannot have it all until we are Home. We strive for bigger, better, and right. All those things lie in His Kingdom alone, not on this Earth. So we strive for the best we can to honor him and help each other find the path Home. 

Alpha Post

My Medical Adventures

In 2010, I married my DH (dear husband.) Prior to this, my medical problems were contributed to other random coincidences (familial arthritis, exercise-induced asthma, etc.) Shortly after getting married, I went off BC and went with “all in God's timing.” Well after two years, God's timing wasn't coming along and neither was ours. So I started seeing my regular OB/GYN for these issues. I had several tests and there were never any clear results. Some bloodwork showed PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome.) Basically it's an overproduction of eggs that don't grow big enough to become viable. This was shown through various levels of hormones that were outside normal range. All the mid-cycle ultrasounds looked good though. So we went with metformin and clomid for a while.

Fast forward to almost 2 years ago. I was moving furniture to clean the backs of the dressers and entertainment center (very dusty and gross!!) After moving them, I got this crazy rush of pain in my forehead and nearly passed out. I just thought I had over-strained and maybe pulled something. I didn't think much about it. I started getting pretty significant migraines that were attributed to eye strain and stress from my job. I got glasses (DH says I was nearly blind---it was pretty bad!) The migraines got better, but were still occurring 2-3 times a week. I asked my family doctor about them and we tried several different things over a few months (different medications.) The only thing that ever has worked was Imitrex for migraines after the fact-no prevention. So she ordered an MRI. The MRI was completed in March of 2013 by our lovely local hospital. It came back as normal with only mild sinusitis.

From that point, I started getting these crazy sharp pains in my forehead any time I strained. At first it was just with heavy strain-lifting, pushing, pulling, etc. They then began getting more frequent and happened when I coughed, laughed, sneezed, stretched, etc. So at another regular visit to my family doctor we continued talking about these sharp pains. She had no ideas so she referred me to the neurologist....also at the lovely local hospital. The neurologist met with me about 3 months later. She said she was a little concerned with the initial MRI (done a year ago at this point) because of a significant bend in my brain stem. She was baffled and promised to research it a little and prescribed Elavil for sleep-because I clearly have trouble getting tired and sleeping normal. I went back after a month and I am pretty sure she had forgotten about me and we did the same thing all over again-as if she thought a month would solve my problems on their own. So we then went another month and she decided to do an MRA to check for aneurisms and blood flow. This came back normal. So another two months because of course we had to wait for insurance to approve it. She then did a little research (with me in the room on the internet---webMD much!?) So then we went for a CSF flow study via X-Ray and CT scan. This was AWFUL. I was placed face down on a metal table, strapped my ankles down, numbed the small of my back and then placed a needle into my spinal column to inject dye. I had to lie on my stomach but kink my neck at a 90* angle to prevent the dye from going to my brain. They then did a number of X-Ray's and the CT scan. Afterwards, I was sent home and rested when I had some pretty significant pain like two days later-thankfully my family doctor gave me a Rx for Tramadol for pain.

At this point I notice through different approaches a number of other symptoms. I have the balance/coordination of a 1 year old-I trip, stumble, wobble, etc. all the time. I cannot walk in a straight line. I have a “thrumming” in my left hear that coincides with my heartbeat and when I press on my carotid artery, I can hear the blood whistle through the artery. I have short-term memory lapses. I can't remember anything past 24 hours or so unless it was substantially out of the ordinary and even then it is kind of fuzzy. I have a loss in judgment, sometimes it's hard for me to tell how far away something is-50 feet looks the same as 500 feet. I have less hand strength and fine motor skills. I am unable to pickup small things from a flat surface. I sometimes get confused and forget what I'm doing mid-way through it (walking into a room, mid-sentence and I can't remember what I'm talking about, etc.) I get easily choked, especially on fluids-including my own saliva. And oh the pains. They are so frequent that they occur probably 20-50 times a day and are worse when I am more active. They happen when I laugh, cough, sneeze, yawn, stretch, strain, exert, etc. in any form. They only last a few seconds but the pain is so crazily intense that I cannot move, talk, anything. The more frequent they happen, the more likely I am to have a migraine at the end of the day.

So with my slew of symptoms and complaints, my lovely local hospital neurologist decides to send me to Ohio State University Neurology. I meet with them a few more months later. They are a teaching hospital so at first I meet with the student doctor guy and then the actual doctor. They do ((what I have found is the normal)) neurological test of reflexes, walking, etc. After only meeting with me for 15-20 minutes and looking at the MRI completed by my lovely local hospital-they are fairly certain of the cause. They just said “low-lying cerebellar tonsils.” and order another MRI as well as an MRI of my auditory canal because of the thrumming sound. They also refer me to a neurosurgeon because they deal with the condition far more and want to get their opinion. Note, at this point surgery is not even mentioned-so we think more of a consultation type thing.

I have the two MRI's completed at OSU (on a SUNDAY!) Then the neurosurgeon agrees to take me on as a patient. The surgeon is actually a director of the neurosurgery department at the hospital. I meet with his student doctor first and he mentions surgery- Posterior Fossa Decompression surgery for the official diagnosis of Arnold-Chiari Malformation. At this point I had also done my own research. The diagnosis is given with the cerebellum or cerebellar tonsils (the little brain that sits in your skull above the neck in the back-think of the “nape” of your neck and that little dip where hair grows like a tail) lie below the foramen magnum (on an MRI, they draw an imaginary line where the spinal column starts.) It's a fairly common malformation and not always medically necessary to treat. Many people's lie within 3-5mm below this line. According to the OSU MRI, mine are almost 10mm below this line.

The OSY MRI also included a CSF flow study which showed limited CSF flow in the back part of the canal and possibly limited mildly in the front. The neurosurgeon explained it as when I strain, the muscles in my head and neck press in on my neck and down on my brain causing these tonsils to completely block the CSF flow. This causes a buildup of pressure within my brain. So the actual neurosurgeon agreed with the student doctor and recommended surgery.

The surgery itself is explained like this: a 4-5” area is shaved at the base of my head/neck, in a 2” wide path. (Like they just mow down a streak of hair!) They then make an incision in the skin and push the muscle away instead of cutting through it. Then a small section of the skull bone is removed. They cut into the sac that contains the cerebellum (dura) and place a patch of dermis. This is like adding a patch to pants that are too small to make them bigger. If necessary, they shave off a portion of the top cervical vertebrae. Then they place a titanium mesh plate where the skull bone used to be and stitch everything up. It is a 3-4 hour procedure. Then there will be 2-3 days in the hospital followed by at least 4 weeks at home recovery. The recover can be painful due to the stretching of the muscle and it being tender and tight. They will prescribe medication to aid in the pain which is scary because most medication completely wind me up.

So my surgery is scheduled for October 24^th. My doctor is going on vacation the week before, so he should be well rested! I know that a lot of my family and friends are concerned, but I am so excited. The surgeon said this should resolve the mega intense pains I get throughout the day so I will be thrilled with just that! I look forward to being able to laugh again! I also will be pampered at home by my husband who has taken two weeks off and my mother who will be staying for at least a month. That's not to mention the rest of the family and church family that I am hoping will keep me (and them) sane over this time!

I am hoping to keep up with this blog over the course of the next few months so that not only will it remain a resource for others, but also a nice little diary of this journey. Keep ya posted y'all! 

5 Pages of Thoughts on Media... :D

Sometimes we must leave the well-beaten path and forge our own thoughts, standings, and opinions on topics that swirl around us. While I admit that I am a sheep-only in the sense of the sheep belonging to and following the shepherd. I am not a sheep to social media, the news, or any other information portal which portrays the views of the world. I, in this situation am an open-minded, intelligent, naive, independent thinking citizen. Luckily for me men and women have died for me to have this privilege. It is not a right, it is not standard, it is not universal. It is a privilege that American citizens are given. We are afforded the opportunity to choose our religion-and then participate in it, despite being under attack for being religious at all. The simple act of getting up and going to church is taken for granted so frequently that people often view it as a chore or unwelcome commitment. I am guilty of grudgingly rolling out of bed on Sunday morning (all mornings for that fact) slapping on my church clothes and dragging my hiney to the car. I shouldn't be! I should be incredibly thankful that I am allowed to do this without fear of being killed for going. ((Sadly, this is not the direction I am going... more on this later though!))

I am not a sheep of this world. I am not a sheep to the news, the media, the society, the culture, etc. I am me. I am free to be me. And this is what I think...

Our society as a whole are becoming brainwashed moguls who have very little true concept of reality. Sure, I frequently look for the good and positive in everything, but I understand that everything isn't flowery and rosey. I fear that our society is, at least initially, believing everything they see, read, and hear. It is sad but more-so, it is terrifying! With all that goes on in the world, outside our confines of comfort, we have to be alert to the liars, the sneaks, the stirrers, and the infidels. Everything you read in a newspaper, magazine, website, Facebook, etc.-be skeptical! None of these places are required to tell you the truth about anything. They may claim they provide researched topics and support for the information, but how many people actually ask for it? My guess-zero!

With this post, I am not saying there aren't terrible things happening in the world-because there most definitely are. I am more questioning the timing and references of said terrible things. For instance, (I'm going political/religious here) the...happenings...in the middle east. We are being flooded with horrible pictures and stories of massacred families, women, children, and infants. We are being told of the awful conditions in which one group of human beings are attacking another group. I'm not saying these things aren't happening-I am certain they are. What I want to point out is that they have BEEN happening for a very long time now. There has only been an idealogy of peace in the middle east, there has never been peace the way we think of or see it. Men, women, and children have been persecuted for their faith for a great, many, hundreds of years. They have been made examples of for being Christian in a Muslim world, Muslim in a Hindu world, Buddhist in an Atheist world. It doesn't matter which religion is attacking the other-simply stated, there has been turbulence in the area for centuries. My question is why now? Why now is the mass media making it known? Why now are we seeing and hearing the horror stories when it's happened for so long with so little attention? I don't believe for a second that no one noticed, no one alerted the media, no one shouted it from the mountain top. If you dig, you can find it-but it was never made into a “hot-spot” for the media, never made the headlines. So, why now?

I, as always, will search for ulterior motives. I don't believe that the government (ours and others') has no part of the media. I believe as with everything else, they have their hands in this honey pot too. So again, why now? With just recently pulling troops out of a war-torn, killing machine, oil rich country, why now are we back staring into the faces of the middle east? It certainly isn't because there isn't news elsewhere. It isn't because that's what we all want to see. So why now, is the media presenting this to us on a silver platter over, and over, and over?

And as always, I have an opinion. I am blessed to live in a free country where I may express my opinions. If yours do not align, you disagree, or are otherwise differing, please, feel free to write about (preferably on your own page, under your own name, and utilizing only your own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.) I believe that there is a reason for the media now presenting the horrible situations there. We recently pulled troops from Iraq, although I do not believe it was ALL of them. With having no troops there, no connections inside, our political leaders have essentially had their hand pulled from the honey pot. While I don't believe that oil is the ONLY reason to be involved, I believe it holds a very high key to it.

Our American society is so advanced that we can cook a pie in under 2 minutes, we can grow vegetables in buildings, we can fly massive cargo planes over continents and oceans. We can ((reportedly-:) )) put a man on the moon! Yet through all of this, we cannot come up with a sustainable resource to utilize for transportation? Seriously!? Gasoline is practically the only thing that we have used in the same ways over the last century. We have made some other uses for it too, but it essentially has the same function-running motors. For a century, we have become dependent on other countries' natural resources. We have relied on friendly exchanges and sales. Frankly, I think the political party is tired of relying on other nations for something so vital to their own economy. The word economy is very nearly always placed along side some reference to the price of gasoline and oil. We are led to believe that the fallout of the economy is due to the rising price of oil coming in from other countries. So what better way (sarcasm to follow) to increase the economy than to reach into the honeypot and take it for ourselves? Again, sarcasm. I don't believe that the economy is tied to oil, not entirely at least, as we've been led to believe by the wording and order of articles and newscasts.

I believe that the fall in the economy is due to exportation of jobs. I don't mean closing down one plant in southern Virginia and moving it to Louisiana. I don't mean relocation of plants, manufacturing, warehouse, and other type employment throughout the states. What I mean is the relocation of said facilities to outside the United States, employing that countries population to make good strictly for American citizens. I, for example, feel that Wal-Mart has the ability to end the recession (yes, we are still in a recession-in my opinion.)Currently, we are at the unemployment rate which we were in when the current recession began in 2008. If large-chain stores like Wal-Mart, Meijer, Target, etc. employed and purchased goods made mainly in the United States, employment, wages, income, etc. would increase. I also think the government could aid in this by “encouraging” stores to buy, sell, and employ American made, or at least North American made (to incorporate the NAFTA.) So many items we buy now are made in China, Japan, Vietnam, Taiwan, etc. that it is actually rare to find Mexican or Canadian made, and exceptional to find American made. If you think about it, how are we expected to thrive? We (as a nation) live off the goods, supplies, and textiles from other countries but are the “ultimate” consumer. That trend can only continue for a period of time at which point, it will collapse. We produce hardly anything we consume, we manufacture very little, yet we purchase and use all the things made elsewhere. Put in simple terms it doesn't make sense. Sure there are other professions-doctors, lawyers, etc. but even still-their books, medicines, etc. are produced elsewhere and these are very limited fields. They are strict and if there is a huge influx of people in these professions, the “ideology” of them would decrease causing them to become as routine as a city worker, teacher, etc.

Wow, I don't know how this got so far away, but that's just how I roll. Yes-I think for myself. Yes, I believe that the government has ulterior motives for streaming media to us at a certain time regarding a certain place. Otherwise we would have a stream of information available throughout time and we wouldn't be “surprised” at the turn of events. Stop taking everything said, written, or expressed as fact. Think for yourselves and question that which goes on around you. Be a sheep to the Lord, but an individual to society... Whew.

Fear of Hell is NOT a Plan for Success.

Not sure that header is worded quite the way I want to express what's on my mind. With the topic of suicide floating about with the death of actor Robin Williams, I am seeing several comments on the fact that suicide is a sin. It's likely unforgivable, at least as far as our earthly bodies are considered-there is no way to seek forgiveness and repent. It is the final sin. Beyond that, I've already commented on the fact that I, as a Christian, feel responsible for an individual when they end their life because we, as a whole, did not do as we were asked in this instance. The Bible instructs us to love one another as He loved the church. In instances of suicide, I don't believe that we loved them like He did the church. We can play the blame game-circumstance, demons, drugs, past, etc. but it all boils down to them seeking the ultimate fulfillment, whether they know it or not, God. In instances of suicide, I feel as though I have let them down because I didn't show them the love that He has showed to me. I feel as though I wasn't “Jesus to the least of them.”

Moving beyond that, for a great deal of the population and a vast majority of the Christian population, the biggest detraction from suicide is that it is an ultimate sin that will result in an eternity in Hell. Getting this straight first thing-yes, I agree with this statement. I believe that the result of suicide will be an eternity in the depths of the deepest, darkest pits. Of course, there is a but. BUT, as human creatures, I don't think that fear of Hell should be a reason to do or not do anything. Love for our Father and Creator, as well as fearing him, is a reason, but to fear the consequence is almost an abstract thought.

I will compare us to children (in essence, that's what we all are anyways.) When raising children, we train them by consequence. The child will commit an action with either good or bad consequences. They will either be praised for their work or punished. In the largest sense of the meaning, punishment is intended to alter behavior, receive a different result, and educate a child on appropriate behavior. As a child, if I talked back, I would get spanked. If I cursed, my mouth was washed out with soap. If I was out past curfew, I was grounded, and so it goes on. As a parent, I am certain that my parents had no intent to continue punishment through adulthood and beyond. The negative consequences of my actions were meant to deter me from said action to take a different approach.

In the years between those “molding” years and early adulthood, I pray that our children have learned the deeper meaning to why those actions were negative. The consequence as an adult is ((hopefully)) far different than that of a child. If I curse at someone, it causes them pain and sadness, it is hurtful, demeaning, and un-Godly. I can also never take back what I have said to someone. The consequences as a child taught me to think before I speak and then to speak carefully to not cause unintentional pain. As a child, I didn't want to curse because my mouth would have soap put in it, which was greatly unwanted! As an adult, I don't want to cause pain, sadness, or otherwise inflict unintentional harm. The consequence as a child no longer applies once an individual has grasped the true deterrent to the action.

The same is true in terms of appropriate, acceptable, “good” behavior. As children, we seek validation, praise, and on occasion a reward. The difference is that this sustains through adulthood. When we work hard, we earn more. When we are kind, others return the kindness (the majority of times.) When we give greatly, we receive abundantly, and on and on it goes. We are no longer rewarded with candy and hugs, but rather in finances, love, friendship, material things, and other emotional/heartfelt things. I don't get rewarded for cleaning my room anymore, but I do get rewarded for donating my unused goods and welcoming others into my home.

I feel as though the same applies to the fear of going to Hell. I know in the depths of my heart that I am not deserving of the Heaven that God created for me. I let him down regularly and that does cause me great sadness. I am unworthy-yet he still loves me! He sent Jesus Christ to pay for my sins so that I can live with Him in Heaven. I don't do good because of the fear of Hell. I do good for the hopes of going to Heaven. I do good for the love of my Father. I do good because I want to be Jesus to the least of them. I want to show everyone the light and walk the walk to show how much love He has for them. I want to tell the world that when you don't think anyone else cares, He does.... And so do I. I may not know you, but I have a love for you that is a love that comes from sharing a creator. I have a sister's love for each and every person. And I am greatly saddened that some people never feel the love of God. For that, I feel responsible. I know that I wouldn't know God's love without His children showing me and leading me to Him. I feel great sadness that even one of His children didn't share the love or sincere caring to these people.

It's not about feeling good about yourself, even though it does happen when we freely give. It's not about monetary or physical gain. It's not about fame, friends, family or anything else. It always boils down to one thing and one thing alone. Love. Love for God, our Father, our mighty Creator. Love for His creations-especially His children. Love for mankind. Love for humanity and everything within the bounds of our universe. It always comes down to Love. Simply Love. L-O-V-E. Love.

To Forgive or To Be Forgiven... Yes Please!

My momma kindly informed me that my posts get a little.....lengthy when I haven't “let it out” for a few days. I will try to correct that, not that it will ACTUALLY make them any shorter... But please, feel free to stop reading, this is more for me than you and more for expression than interpretation anyways. Social media is a great way to get out your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and everything else too. Of course I don't mean drama, bullying, he said/she said, all that teenage stuff... So here goes today...

Tonight I am thinking about forgiveness. For some reason (literally, Lord knows!) forgiveness has come into my mind so often over the past few days. It is such an integral part of our daily life and being a true, loving Christian. I don't think we notice how often we forgive or begrudge in our everyday lives. Whether it is driving down the road and someone pulls out in front of us, standing in line at the grocery store and someone cuts, or even someone forgetting to return your call. We always have the option to forgive. Sometimes we hold on to the anger and grudge for far too long-holding onto it at all is too long. Other things we find so many reasons to hold on. Whether it is pride, anger, resentment, offense, etc. there is no reason good enough to hold onto it.

I see this example taken so much further in families. One person offends a family member (mother/child, sibling/sibling, etc.) and then one or both holds onto it for years, frequently forgetting why it ever started. The age old example is the “Hatfield's” and “McCoy's.” We've all heard they were a dueling family but never really know why. From my stance, the why is not now nor ever was truly important. The greatest, grandest, largest offenses deserve forgiveness. No matter how cruel, mean, or ruthless the other party was, refusing forgiveness hurts you more than anyone else. Refusing to give forgiveness is painful, energy required, and just torture on the soul. We are made and meant to be forgiving and forgiven.

Taking example from God, we see the ultimate forgiveness. We offend our Father and creator every day. We know His love, his requests for us, and everyday we offend him. We are rarely in line with everything he asks of us, yet his love and forgiveness never waivers. He constantly forgives us without hesitation. Because of Jesus Christ, we are freely forgiven and guided into grace. We are given chance after chance to prove ourselves and our love for him. We are allowed to repent and try again. The greatest love, greatest example for us is unconditional.. Yet in our everyday lives we choose to ignore forgiveness in light of success and pride. I'd like to embrace forgiveness and rebuild bridges. I'd like to show love, support, and forgiveness to my enemies and truly mean it. Let's repair relationships and move past the grudges. Let's embrace unconditional love. Let's follow THE great example.