Visions
and Future...
I
am sitting here looking at post-it notes. It's a three pack of “page
marker” sticky notes that J picked up at the store this afternoon.
I didn't notice until we got home and I was putting away all the
items. I looked at him with a strange look (I thought maybe someone
slipped them in our cart at the store.) He said, “for my Bible
study, to flag pages and passages.” This just made me glow. I know
that may seem super weird, but considering where we've been, what
we've been through, etc. seeing him grow in Christ is so exciting for
me too.
Don't
get me wrong, I have loved my husband from the start. He was gentle,
kind, loving, and has always treated me like a queen. He was funny
and encouraging. We shared a strange sense of humor. I loved who he
was then. There were small things that were hard for me to swallow.
He didn't have a great deal of patience (I have a ridiculous amount
of patience.) He would get frustrated with people for doing things
differently, not sharing similar views, etc. He had HORRID road rage.
We never fought, but we would disagree. He would get upset when I
would give “scenarios” of why someone was driving slowly, what
had made someone react that way, etc. in order to show why patience
was necessary. I think this frustrated him a great deal at the time.
It was my passive way of telling him to cool his jets. He was, well,
wishy-washy about faith. He believed in God but didn't have a
personal relationship with him.
I've
not always went to church, practiced what I believed, or lived a
Christ-like life, but I've always had a relationship with God, even
when I was red-mad at him. I prayed for a change in the anger and
hurt in his heart. I prayed that God would touch him and that He
would show me how to help J get there. We tried out several churches
over the years, but never felt at home there. We went to a couple
Methodist churches because I grew up in a Methodist church. I'd been
to a United Brethren church, a Christ in Christian Union church, a
full gospel church, and several others. He had went to a Baptist
church for a while as a youngster. We never found a home at church.
We'd even went to the church we go to now once or twice before but
felt like outcasts.
One
week, we'd been through a lot. We had been try to get pregnant for
about a year and a half. ((TMI to follow..)) I have yearly pap/pelvic
exams and they usually come back abnormal the first time so then I
have to have a biopsy that is more invasive and painful. I had went
to the biopsy and bled like a stuck pig. The doctor actually made me
lie and wait while she wiped it up because she was worried it would
freak me out. She said she only ever sees that kind of bleeding in
women who are pregnant so she felt that there was a good chance I was
a few days pregnant. So we were worried about the results of the
biopsy while being cautiously optimistic about pregnancy. We were on
the way home and he said “we really should go to church Sunday.”
Well, Saturday night, I asked him where he wanted to go. He was a
little taken aback and we decided on going to his Uncle Jack and Aunt
Kay's church. For some reason, this time was different. This time was
right. This time we felt comfortable and at home.
The
change I saw in my husband in that service was-incredible,
unbelievable, unexplainable. It was like he suddenly saw the world in
a whole new light. I saw tears in his eyes that weren't tears of
sadness. He finally FELT God in his heart. He knew that God was there
and he knew that Jesus was what kept him going. On the way home, he
was an abundance of child-like questions. I say this in an endearing
way. We talked for days about God, Jesus, and the Bible. We went to
church that Wednesday too.
In
the time since, he has lost his knack for the anger and grudges. He
has found forgiveness and peace. He is a different man than the one I
married, but I love him just the same, but 5 years more than I did
then. Knowing that he was a new man and the change in our marriage
was nothing short of Godly. We have grown together and TRULY became
one heart. We talk about compassion, love, patience, Jesus, eternity,
and all the other wonderful things that we know in God. He no longer
has a heart full of anger. Hearing his prayers, watching him bow his
head in reverence, seeing him sing, watching him cry tears of joy for
our Lord is the most miraculous thing I have ever seen.
You
always read where people get divorced because the spouse “changed.”
To be married and expect no change in the person is an incredibly
flawed idea. Unless one never wants to mature past the age they were
married or adapt to new life experiences, they should expect change.
The important part of change is changing together and walking through
change in honest communication.
Post-it
notes. Just makes me ponder on the love I have for the new man that I
have been given as a partner in this life and prayerfully the next.
He's seeing the world through Christ's eyes. He's praying before
meals. He's excited about Christmas. He's reading and studying the
bible. He's a Godly man. He's my husband. I am abundantly and
unimaginably blessed. I don't feel as though I have done anything to
deserve such greatness, but I will not question His work, only praise
Him for it. I will praise Him in the good. I will praise Him in the
bad. I will praise Him all the days of my life.
